Venting feeling trapped

[Honey0TU]

im not too scared with the idea of death but im kinda terrified of the pain that comes with it.

ive been suicidal for years. therapy doesnt do much and my psychiatrist practically refuses to give me antidepressants since she thinks it might make my anxiety spike.

i dont have passion anymore, i dont want to live but i cant seem to die. i never let myself ctb, i save myself last minute.

i dont know what to do. ive given up on schoolwork, i lack hobbies and i cant think of my future.

 

[Meowkin]

When you're in the situation you're in, it does feel like you're trapped in a box with no way out.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

im not too scared with the idea of death but im kinda terrified of the pain that comes with it.

ive been suicidal for years. therapy doesnt do much and my psychiatrist practically refuses to give me antidepressants since she thinks it might make my anxiety spike.

i dont have passion anymore, i dont want to live but i cant seem to die. i never let myself ctb, i save myself last minute.

i dont know what to do. ive given up on schoolwork, i lack hobbies and i cant think of my future.

Very relateable I don´t fear death only if there will be pain even though with all the research I have done with my method I know there won´t be any but there is always that voice "what if"

Sounds weird that your shrink refuses SSRI´s because "it will increase anxiety" my shrink is currently trying for me to taper off benzoes and get on SSRI´s to help with anxiety.

I also don´t have any passions or hobbies anymore because of apathy and anhedonia and I also seem to "save" myself last minute I just can´t full that trigger it feels like the show Westworld where the hosts are physically incable of pulling the trigger because they are programmed that way and since I kind of believe in the simulation hypothesis it almost feels like I can´t do it either even though how much I want to.

Also relateable you can´t think of a future when you have no hopes and dreams and think you might not even be alive a week from now but people don´t get that like if you try to set a goal a couple months is incomprehensible to me and likely you too because I don´t think that far ahead I might be dead tomorrow maybe a week. Again this is due to of course being suicidal but also not having any hopes and dreams there simply isn´t any drive/motivation.