Feeling so incredibly low right now

[TheLostCause]

Im not feeling too good, mentally. I mean i always feel terrible or numb but theres times when things get too much and i feel unstable and act irrationally and i know today is going to be one of those days. Not sure whats triggered it, maybe writing my notes and being more at peace with my choice to ctb, i dont know. All i know is i want more than anything to ctb today but i havent prepared or finished my plan yet so i would be going in blind which in the past has resulted in failures which i dont want as i dont really fancy another hospital stay. I just feel so pathetic and weak. Like why do i have to struggle so much just to do basic things on a daily basis, yet i see other people do things with ease. Ive basically been surviving on hash browns and noodles, we have no food in as i cant even be bothered to do an online shop, i cant remember when i last showered/bathed, i dont go out since im off work sick at the moment, im dreading going back to work, im not ready, but staying off is impacting my partner. I sleep a good 15-16hours a day at the moment, yet tonight its 5am and i havent slept at all, i cant. Im just a huge failure in life and a waste of space.
Its like i wasnt meant to be in this world, i dont belong here, i never did.

 

[CoalmineCanary]

Its like i wasnt meant to be in this world, i dont belong here, i never did.

I hope you feel welcomed here at SS at least.

 

[theguineapigking]

I'm sorry that things are so rough for you right now.

I do NOT think you're pathetic, weak, a failure, or a waste of space. I think you're someone whom is in unbearable pain, and I think that's brought you down, to a point where your hope and enthusiasm has faded away. But that doesn't mean that you're any of those things. This world is a cruel place. The fact that you feel the way you do, and still manage to even function at all, is pretty cool, honestly.


Take it easy dude/dudette. It's too easy to be hard on yourself. I wish you the best in the meantime.

 

[TheLostCause]

I hope you feel welcomed here at SS at least.

I do to an extent, i feel its a place i can be completely open and honest. Its nice to have a place i can express how i feel without being judged.

I'm sorry that things are so rough for you right now.

I do NOT that think you're pathetic, weak, a failure, or a waste of space. I think you're someone whom is in unbearable pain, and I think that's brought you down, to a point where your hope and enthusiasm has faded away. But that doesn't mean that you're any of those things. This world is a cruel place. The fact that you feel the way you do, and still manage to even function at all, is pretty cool, honestly.


Take it easy dude/dudette. It's too easy to be hard on yourself. I wish you the best in the meantime.

I wouldnt say i am able to function, i can barely do the nessesaties. Thankyou for your kind words though. I need to get my plan sorted so i can ctb sooner rather than later, im not sure how much more i can hold on, i would rather i didnt see xmas.
The world is a cruel place, people should be allowed to leave when they please without the fear of being judged.

 

[theguineapigking]

I do to an extent, i feel its a place i can be completely open and honest. Its nice to have a place i can express how i feel without being judged.


I wouldnt say i am able to function, i can barely do the nessesaties. Thankyou for your kind words though. I need to get my plan sorted so i can ctb sooner rather than later, im not sure how much more i can hold on, i would rather i didnt see xmas.
The world is a cruel place, people should be allowed to leave when they please without the fear of being judged.

Hey. It sucks that you feel that way. I know that you struggle to even shower, but that doesn't mean you're any lesser.


Yes, I totally agree that people should be allowed to leave. They should be allowed to leave, not only without being judged, but also painlessly and peacefully, at the very LEAST. I really hate this world. I hope that you somehow find peace, one way or another.. we're always here for you.