As the title states, I've been so happy much more recently. I haven't been mindlessly scrolling through r/collapse, and spending hours beating myself up and feeling dead inside. I've been able to enjoy playing video games again, and start planning what I can do to get better.
I just came out of a depressive episode a few weeks ago, and this is the longest it's stayed away. I'm honestly a bit scared because the longer it stays away the longer and harder it will hit when it comes back I'm honestly so terrified and I don't know if I'll survive this one, I'm 20 in 3 months with no education and no license, my education level is around the area of a 5th grader, and I haven't touched anything school-related since the 4th grade. I'm just not sure if I can take another few weeks, maybe even months, slacking and wanting to kill myself when the choices I have to make are about to be so crucial, I'm not a kid anymore.
Typing this I'm nearly in tears, I've been getting these weird feelings of, sadness and hopelessness and a little bit of guilt and it's possibly a sign it's coming back. I've also been a little bit more self-conscious recently, comparing myself to other people and beating myself up because of it, and honestly those are signs that it's coming back because in my happy state I realized I don't think about any of this stuff and I just focus on the good parts. Anyways, if you made it this far in the post thank you, I know it's kind of pointless but I can't talk to anyone about this stuff, I'm alone in this fight and I really wanted to get this off my chest.
I just came out of a depressive episode a few weeks ago, and this is the longest it's stayed away. I'm honestly a bit scared because the longer it stays away the longer and harder it will hit when it comes back I'm honestly so terrified and I don't know if I'll survive this one, I'm 20 in 3 months with no education and no license, my education level is around the area of a 5th grader, and I haven't touched anything school-related since the 4th grade. I'm just not sure if I can take another few weeks, maybe even months, slacking and wanting to kill myself when the choices I have to make are about to be so crucial, I'm not a kid anymore.
Typing this I'm nearly in tears, I've been getting these weird feelings of, sadness and hopelessness and a little bit of guilt and it's possibly a sign it's coming back. I've also been a little bit more self-conscious recently, comparing myself to other people and beating myself up because of it, and honestly those are signs that it's coming back because in my happy state I realized I don't think about any of this stuff and I just focus on the good parts. Anyways, if you made it this far in the post thank you, I know it's kind of pointless but I can't talk to anyone about this stuff, I'm alone in this fight and I really wanted to get this off my chest.
