Venting Feeling off when i feel fine

[c.c]

I feel like i forgot how to be happy..depression and cptsd are getting worse with currently no resources to commit suicide ...i feel down all the time..i can push myself to talk to people but the enjoyment is now all gone..everyone says that " it will get better with time" but honestly i know really well that it will just get worse and that i will have to die someday and knowing my luck..i would be most probably the one to end it..it's better to end sooner than later but
I just don't know how..