Feeling guilty while writing suicide note

[YourWayOrMine]

When I first started writing it this morning I didn't really know what to say except sorry and that it's no ones fault, but then I started getting more emotional and I had a lot more to say. I realized that I had a lot more people to say sorry to than I originally thought.
I'm not really sure what to do now. I hate being alive and and I dread almost every moment I'm awake, but there's a lot of people I would be hurting if I decided to ctb. Plus, I'm scared that they will all think I'm selfish for doing it, but I guess that wouldn't matter since I'd be dead.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

This is why I value the process of considering all aspects of ctb. It reveals so much that otherwise would not have been addressed and deserves attention. I don't know what you will ultimately decide to do, but I acknowledge you're going through a process and a lot is coming up. I assume, perhaps inaccurately, that you can take time to work with all of this, and you may change your mind several times about your choice and other actions. It may be uncomfortable, but in my opinion, it is good that you have gained awareness that you didn't have before.

I wish for your well-being no matter what you do, whatever you decide that is at any time regarding anything.