Feeling Guilty For Leaving

[yoda]

hello, i've been on this site on/off for a few years. Things have gotten bad recently so I recently purchased some materials and made a plan to ctb.

But does anyone feel like life gives them just enough to get by and not ctb?

Like ctb or not is on a knife edge

I had a plan and time set to ctb but then I got a random phone call from a family member and then talked with an online friend a bit tonight too.
I still want to ctb, but now I'm feeling guilty for leaving them. Because I know they will be deeply hurt if I leave but I just can't take all this anymore.

It would be easier to ctb if I had no one. The people I do have in my life I don't think can help me even though they try in small ways.
I could live my life as it is and try my best but I'd be in a constant battle for my identity and rights, mental health, finances etc. I don't think I can do that forever.

 

[SexyIncél]

I'm lucky that some of my friends are cool with my impending suicide. I mean, they're not thrilled, but they're not dummies *gasp shocked* by suicide. Suicide happens

Some though... probably too young & close to me to be told of my plans. (Though I don't know. Isn't it worse to be suddenly smashed by it, rather than have time to get used to it even a teeeny bit? Time to say what you need to say, create some kind of imperfect closure?)

 

[jodes2]

I'm the same, I'm on a knife edge wanting to CTB. My dad and gf are doing everything they can to rid me of negative symptoms and worries, but there's still something inside me that still just wants to be gone. I feel ungrateful, I'm thankful I have them in my lives to help but also it would be easier to just go if I had no-one.

 

[hamvil]

There are little events that make me forget my desire to leave. A walk in the forest, a beer I have with a former colleague that we do 2 o 3 times per year. Talking with my father does not have that feeling anymore, same for my wife. Overall, no, I do not feel any guilt for wanting to leave. I think this is the sad aspect of my life. I believe that if you feel some guilt maybe there is something out there for you.

 

[gimzero]

No one will judge you there not a god after death inly in our minds we are prisoners.