Feeling Better Because I Have an Exit Strategy — Does Anyone Else Relate?

[luke1978qqq]

Why do I want to die? I'm a psychiatric patient over 40, I'm bipolar and have a severe personality disorder. I'm getting older and I don't have the energy to manage all this anymore. I don't know how long I can keep going, but I suppose not much longer. I've already chosen my method, the exit bag with nitrogen gas. I've never attempted suicide before, but I intend to do things properly. To be able to die, I had to sort out some things in my life, to be fair and not leave problems for the people I care about. Frankly, I don't know why I bother, why all this scruple – maybe I just have a guilty conscience or I feel guilty. Since I settled the last few things, I know that within two months I can die and I'm happy. Life has stopped weighing on me like a boulder and it's almost bearable, so I think: "Come on, it's not that bad…" but then I realize that the only reason my life is bearable is the fact that I know it will soon end, and it will end on my own terms – to be able to decide at least that. Does anyone else feel better knowing they have an exit strategy, a planned end date? And how does that affect the plan itself to end one's life?

 

[Bishop]

I just want the pain to stop. Im happily not wanting to die. I will do what's needed to make the pain end, meds, etc. But I chose to go on.

 

[combustiblebear]

Somewhat better? My new goal is to CTB around my 40th birthday, so in about a year and a half. There is some comfort in knowing that there is a way out when things get unbearable.

 

[Intoxicated]

Does anyone else feel better knowing they have an exit strategy, a planned end date?

I don't have a planned end date, but I have multiple exit strategies, one of which is very similar to yours. And yes, knowing that I can quit the game easily when it becomes mostly a PITA helps a lot.

And how does that affect the plan itself to end one's life?

I just learn more and more about human physiology and try to find optimisations for possible CTB protocols correspondingly.

 

[sm1the]

I don't have a planned end date, but I have multiple exit strategies, one of which is very similar to yours. And yes, knowing that I can quit the game easily when it becomes mostly a PITA helps a lot.

I just learn more and more about human physiology and try to find optimisations for possible CTB protocols correspondingly.

Have u actually got full setups of multiple exit methods or plans?

 

[TheBag]

I don't have an end date planned because currently there is no need for it. But yes, having the means to end your life on your own terms definitely gives me peace. I too have the Exit Bag as my preferred method (both gas and non-gas version, fully set up in case needed). I have a suitable rope and anchor point ready as a second option (although I find this a very scary method). I should have gotten SN as a third option while DSL was still around, but I was hesitant...

 

[dialogos]

when I got SN almost 2 years ago, my anxiety completely disappeared and just like you I experienced relief wash over me. yes, knowing you have control over when and where you exit the conditions this cruel world has imposed on your life is like moving a heavy stone off your chest. its probably why I'm still alive today. instead of killing me, it may have saved me. I'm going thru another challenge in life but I've decided to literally take a bet and see if I can win this time. but if I dont, these dark forces, whatever they are, they will not control my last days. ill escape their dark plans, one way or another

 

[wakeawake]

when the ability is here I think I will. I thought I had that before and it really helped like you say, but then I learned more and dont feel as confident - despite that im glad to be learning details so as to really feel assured I could leave.

then, and at that point, I hope to feel more comfortable staying a while longer.

 

[Salkak]

I plan to ctb in 5 years. Whenever things get hard, I always remind myself that I have a way out no matter what. It's all gonna be over soon( 5 years )

 

[fadedghost]

Why do I want to die? I'm a psychiatric patient over 40, I'm bipolar and have a severe personality disorder. I'm getting older and I don't have the energy to manage all this anymore. I don't know how long I can keep going, but I suppose not much longer. I've already chosen my method, the exit bag with nitrogen gas. I've never attempted suicide before, but I intend to do things properly. To be able to die, I had to sort out some things in my life, to be fair and not leave problems for the people I care about. Frankly, I don't know why I bother, why all this scruple – maybe I just have a guilty conscience or I feel guilty. Since I settled the last few things, I know that within two months I can die and I'm happy. Life has stopped weighing on me like a boulder and it's almost bearable, so I think: "Come on, it's not that bad…" but then I realize that the only reason my life is bearable is the fact that I know it will soon end, and it will end on my own terms – to be able to decide at least that. Does anyone else feel better knowing they have an exit strategy, a planned end date? And how does that affect the plan itself to end one's life?

It's incredibly typical for people with extreme depression to seem happier after they decide to commit suicide, and it's something that's been studied a lot in suicidology (the study of suicide) by suicidologists (those who study suicide).

It often ends up being shocking for survivors of suicide who don't know this, a common refrain is, "it seemed like they were doing so much better."

Sometimes people are more likely to kill themself when coming out of a deep depression (because they finally have the energy to do it) and sometimes people feel happier once they have decided.

Call me a skeptic, but I think personality disorders are semi-pseduoscience and things like BPD should either be labeled as psychiatric disorders and rebranded as Emotional Disregulation Disorder or just removed from the DSM. Everything is in the brain, and it's either a disorder of the brain or it's not. Calling something from the brain a personality disorder seems to be the wrong paradigm to me, but I know it's the standard current psychiatric model, for now, despite it making little sense.

Are you a writer?

 

[Ben 111]

How old are you

I plan to ctb in 5 years. Whenever things get hard, I always remind myself that I have a way out no matter what. It's all gonna be over soon( 5 years )

 

[DeadManLiving]

Yes