Feel like such a pretender

[mayHeCurseUsAll]

My family and girlfriend and some close friends know that I am suicidal but I have been for over two years and things have not gotten any better so I dont know why Im so afraid to just end it already. I have SN and meto and can easily find an antacid so I could theoretically do it at any time now but somehow my minds default when I suffer is to become mopey and morose, wallow in depression rather than actually do something to fix it, including the ultimate fix.. its so pathetic. Im sure im a negative influence on everyone who cares enough to "worry" so it would be better if I did it sooner than later. Heres to hoping im not alive to see September.

 

[mostlycloudy]

Im sorry you're going through that - I too suffer depression and it's hard to get out of bed never mind do anything to fix it, so I can relate to that. Like you, I also feel bad that people worry about me and that maybe it would be best for them if I was just gone. It's a horrible place to be in. I just want it to end. I wish I had a peaceful way to ctb. I have access to full suspension hanging but I'm scared because after many painful attempts at partial, I think full suspension would be painful like torture.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry to hear you are suffering, living can be painful. I feel like I should have left a long time ago but I feel held back by the SI and other factors, it can be hard to take our lives. I wish you well.