Venting Feel like I’m loosing my fucking mind

[I-can-only-imagine]

So am back in hospital having been home for 4 days. I have been scheduled which means I am being held against my will under the mental health act. The ironic thing is I didn't even try and CTB this time. They are trying to fiddle with my meds to find what works. I'm not allowed to smoke and obviously self harm is not looked upon well. So my two coping mechanisms have been removed and they think this somehow helps my fucking recovery? Instead I feel like a boiling pot who is about to over boil with a Big Bang. I'm angry and not feeling co-operative after I have tried to do everything right. I want to smash my head into the wall until I knock myself out or they give me a needle just to stop my brain spinning out because I can't do this. I'm so agitated and angry and then add all the other BPD emotions of feeling alone, over reacting to someone not answering my call, feeling lost, being a burden to those I care about plus a hundred other things. Maybe knocking myself out will give me some peace, if only temporary. Likelihood of success = very low. Care factor = 0. My nurse is a condescending person who just puts my back up by telling me she understands because she loves good food and if that was taken away she wouldn't cope and she is so proud of me. She must be blind. I can't stop shaking from agitation and have told them I'm pissed off and agitated and frustrated and still nothing is done. So. Someone try and give me a good reason not to let the pot go bang that will make me care. Because I'm at my wits end now.

 

[Zzzzz]

Holding an adult who is not a danger to themselves or others is a human rights violation. You are not required to take medication if you don't want to. At the same time just say yes then throw the pills in the trash or spit them out if you want when they are not looking.