Is it the fear of physical pain?
Why not live for now? knowing that you have it "just in case".
When everything becomes absolutely unbearable the courage will find you.
I am not sure what it is... it can partially be fear of physical pain, and I am also in general a pretty indecisive person so, it is also personality.
I just cannot take me to do it.
It is everything unbearable already :)
Thanks for your answer :)
well like in my case my mental health took a dive. Physically i am ok. But like literally my brain is hurting. Like I feel physical soreness. I also have very deep depression. So no joy. Also insomnia. Not sleeping much. This did not develop until later in life. The reason I ask about reason to ctb is perhaps you can improve your conditions? Giving you reason to live? I am also facing homelessness. So like that impending fear of being homeless is on the table further pushing me. If you have had 2 years and managed through I just wonder what would it take for you to be truly happy enough to just live?
I am sorry for what you have been going through, really.
I also have very heavy depression, I recently realized I cannot make it without medicine, so if I do not ctb I will start some antidepressant.
These past 2 years... I did not make it through I would say. There was no intention. I feel like I want do die every day, every minute... what I am saying is that it is not batteling, not enduring the pain, the reason I am still alive is that I cannot take myself to do it.