Fear & Loathing

[waitingfor]

I have now fear. I'm an alcoholic. I live in a noisy and polluted Place. Today no lunch and no dinner, nothing solid ingested. Just throw up a Yellow Slime. In the last few years i managed the Natural (painful) passing away of dad, mom, and 2 relatives. Got no bros or sis. That charged me the $ I would have never earned in many lifes SO I do not have any professional goal no more. Days pass in a Perpetual hangover state having flashes of their homes and objects that they had care and loved during their Life and I have to dismiss/sell/give away. About 2 years ago I askd for psychologic help After a Crazy narcissistic abuse that left me in ruins. I have a sort of a very kind and supportive girlfriend I do not sexually desire at all. Her mom's now dying. I am tired. I am stuck having flashes of more closets full of clothes. Shoes. Little things. To dismiss, sell, giveaway. I Just want some breeze between the leaves and branches of my heart. I feel empty and I fill this emptiness with liquid poison. That I throw up as a corrosive Yellow Slime. Tachycardia Is driving me crazy. I am waiting for.

 

[waitingfor]

There Is a local showgirl Who came out years ago with her bulimia illness and stated "my only mirror was the Little water at the bottom of the wc" and I really felt It because Is mine too. I am in ruins. I have so many more reasons for looking and RUN to the Emergency Doors EXIT lights than for staying in the theatre watching a play I have not chosen.... I am really looking (in my environment) for a superior sign to tell me wether to wake up or go to sleep, tired. How these years the days passes for me, they have no any reason to begin.

 

[Pale_Rider]

Different story. Same feeling. Who gives a shit? Not I.