fantasizing suicide

[hybridtheory]

so I have certain factors for when I can feel myself becoming suicidal again
and one of them is fantasizing about it, which means i will go to the extent of
watching anything that involves suicide. i become indulge in it and it can turn
to being quite obsessive. i don't know why i find other people's suicide so
intriguing... i just want to be influenced? idk does that make me fucking weird?

i feel as if this makes me sound like a freak, but i am so very jealous of the ones
who weren't afraid to take that final step.

 

[Cockney_Rebel]

You're not alone.

I do exactly the same.

Death has actually become my life, so to speak.

 

[hybridtheory]

You're not alone.

I do exactly the same.

Death has actually become my life, so to speak.

YES exactly.
I feel like being suicidal/depressed is the only thing i'm good at.

 

[Cockney_Rebel]

YES exactly.
I feel like being suicidal/depressed is the only thing i'm good at.

And I've got someone coming at me in my other thread, about romantic ways to go, saying that I'm wrong for making such a thread.

If you're like me, you'll also romanticise it?

I believe many do.

No?

 

[Dymming Star6]

I can relate to everything that you stated totally. In dealing with my deep rooted mental illness, it perpetuates my suicidual ideation/fascination with said videos, online articles, etc. to the max! I think since we are in that mindset, we look for a connection to our successors in a sense. You are not weird, just different...a uniquely beautiful, misunderstood soul...By looking at those videos/the like, I think we are trying to find our own courage to make our final exit expeditiously...

 

[hybridtheory]

And I've got someone coming at me in my other thread, about romantic ways to go, saying that I'm wrong for making such a thread.

If you're like me, you'll also romanticise it?

I believe many do.

No?

NO I agree with you.
I definitely do as well.

I can relate to everything that you stated totally. In dealing with my deep rooted mental illness, it perpetuates my suicidual ideation/fascination with said videos, online articles, etc. to the max! I think since we are in that mindset, we look for a connection to our successors in a sense. You are not weird, just different...a uniquely beautiful, misunderstood soul...By looking at those videos/the like, I think we are trying to find our own courage to make our final exit expeditiously...

hi welcome to SS, thank you for writing such lovely words on my thread.
I totally agree with where you're coming from, and I definitely believe that we can get more courage
from watching others or feel more relaxed with that final decision. in a way, I can definitely find it helpful.

 

[FuneralCry]

It is always on my mind really, as to me suicide is the one escape, I see death as freedom from this life I never asked for. Even know I see it as hard to ctb it is always possible. I am jealous of those who are gone, as they are at peace and free from their suffering. Non existence is what I want.

 

[Cockney_Rebel]

It is always on my mind really, as to me suicide is the one escape, I see death as freedom from this life I never asked for. Even know I see it as hard to ctb it is always possible. I am jealous of those who are gone, as they are at peace and free from their suffering. Non existence is what I want.

During lockdown (which I completely ignored) I used to find used masks on the floor, and put them on to try to catch Covid-19.

That's how much I'd like to go.

 

[hybridtheory]

During lockdown (which I completely ignored) I used to find used masks on the floor, and put them on to try to catch Covid-19.

That's how much I'd like to go.

okay gross, but also understandable lol

 

[LONE WOLF.]

CTB is all l've thought about for the past month, l Need to be gone!

 

[Pure]

I do the exact same thing. Just endless hours on youtube and Google watching videos on suicides, people's attempts, and people's successes (I never watch death videos, just watch what their family and friends put out). It's very obsessive.

For me, acting out me killing myself actually calms me down. Not sure why, I guess it's scratching an itch a little bit.

 

[PaxAmerica]

I tried partial hanging a few times and think in a way it was fantasizing. To actual go through with it takes more

 

[hybridtheory]

CTB is all l've thought about for the past month, l Need to be gone!

i feel you

I do the exact same thing. Just endless hours on youtube and Google watching videos on suicides, people's attempts, and people's successes (I never watch death videos, just watch what their family and friends put out). It's very obsessive.

For me, acting out me killing myself actually calms me down. Not sure why, I guess it's scratching an itch a little bit.

i'm a bit obsessed with stuff like that as well.
it gives me reassurance that it is possible to go through with, once i can fully accept it.

I tried partial hanging a few times and think in a way it was fantasizing. To actual go through with it takes more

i've tried partial hanging as well. that's my method of choice, hoping to get it right some day

 

[Bullit]

I discovered San suicide while the watching Mr. Caring guy on YouTube.

 

[Lifeless mindset]

I do the same shit

 

[stellabelle]

so I have certain factors for when I can feel myself becoming suicidal again
and one of them is fantasizing about it, which means i will go to the extent of
watching anything that involves suicide. i become indulge in it and it can turn
to being quite obsessive. i don't know why i find other people's suicide so
intriguing... i just want to be influenced? idk does that make me fucking weird?

i feel as if this makes me sound like a freak, but i am so very jealous of the ones
who weren't afraid to take that final step.

I think morbid curiosity and envy, along with whatever triggered the event in your mind might be a contributing factor.

it's a matter of contemplation, study, questioning, and whether or not that's what you want.

I don't think that you're weird. I think a lot of people feel similarly or have felt similarly at some point in their lifetime.

 

[Dear Agony]

I do the exact same, I became obsessed with Gore websites, details about like every method of suicide existent, suicide cases and any media that talks about suicide at all... Idk why I'm so obsessed with it.