Family

[strawberrypinkloves]

I'm going into my second year of college and I've come back home. I can't stand my father. I overheard him beat my mother and I'm not sure what to do. He's the one paying for everything in my family. Everytime I come back to see my mom, she looks more, and more tired. I can't stand it. I hate just listening. I don't know what I can do to stop it. I really don't know what I could possibly do to prevent him from doing anything. I feel like a failure to my mom, my family, my parents. To top it all off, my mom takes that anger out on my siblings. I hate watching that happen. It's never physical, just verbally. My dad is a horrible person and I don't know what to do to stop it. My mom should leave—she needs to. But in a traditional household like mine, divorce is taboo. I was too scared to re-enter the room where I heard her beat her. I felt so extremely pathetic hearing her cry from the other room. I wanted so badly to stop what's was going to happen next—and I simply couldn't. I couldn't move. I felt like I couldn't call or tell anyone. I didn't want to be next. Calling the police wouldn't even help either. It would make things even worse.

I felt so incredibly selfish. Leaving again. Leaving my family again. I know when I leave, and when my 2nd sibling leaves for college next, it's only going to be youngest sibling (5), mom, and father. I don't know what to do to stop it. I'm afraid that when I leave, someone will die.

I'm really sorry to anyone reading this. This is a hopeless senseless ramble born from panic. I just don't have anyone to talk to about this.