Failed or never attempted

[GreenTree]

Just wondered how many of us have attempted ctb and failed or have never attempted.

 

[...]

had one trip to beachy head. whole week went exactly to plan until those bastard chaplains at the final stage. next time i'll just be horrible and let them witness it if they try and stop me again.

then had another lazy attempt at ODing but it was an impulse thing out of anger and that realistically had zero chance of actually dying from

 

[Soapie]

honestly my last few attempts ewere so halfhearted. shallow water blackout in a big bowl of water doesn't work and it was kinda dumb for me to think it wpuould. I've got a much more solid plan in place now and i really think i have a shot this time

 

[RazzleDazzle]

I'm inclined to plan things out and I don't want to make an attempt until I'm completely serious and ready to go.

 

[Deadweight]

Took a whole pile or lithium and something else, I forget. It was a dumb impulsive thing I did when I was really in a period of really poor mental health. Dr's just flushed me out, put me in ICU for a couple of nights and shipped me of to do my stint in the facility.

Now I'm more emotionally stable, I'm going about it the proper way. Research, plan, and then take it from there

 

[FuneralCry]

I have not attempted properly, one day I was desperate to leave but at the time I was not really prepared and I did not know what I was doing. Of course suicide is very difficult, if it was easier I would already be gone. Failing an attempt is one of the things that I fear, but I know that no matter what eventually I will ctb. Many people have succeeded which shows it can be done. Death is freedom from all suffering and it is true peace.

 

[lastlife_]

First real attempt was July 2010 (Age 20) and I was found by my parents because I was too loud (I think I hit the wall a few times either intentionally or accidentally).

Most recent was July 2021 (Age 31) partial hanging, hit the right spot to black out without choking or coughing but backed out just as I was starting to go limp

 

[HappyChipEater]

Failed just under 3 weeks ago. Attempted to overdose without a plan (was drunk and a spur of the moment decision). I took 100mg of valium, had drank 500ml of vodka and took 210mg of codeine (30mg/500mg co-codamol). Someone found me soon after I took it and called the emergency services. No long lasting effects, am in the process of purchasing a different cocktail of drugs this time to ensure I don't have a repeat experience.

 

[dreadpirateroberts69]

Wow it's exactly 50/50. I've never attempted because I only ever really wanted to use N and didn't get it until very recently

 

[ClownMe]

Haven't attempted yet.

 

[MeltedJello]

Tried partial 3 different times. One at 18, and two last summer. It's difficult to pass out because of SI, so full suspension will be my next, and hopefully last attempt.

 

[odradek]

Tried and failed. It's awful having to go on like nothing happened after a failure. My one goal now is to do it one more time and get it right.

 

[nameeater]

i've attempted 20+ times and have been hospitalised twice. living the bpd chronic suicidality dream life (sarcasm)

 

[Not Sure]

Failed partial, once. Also went for a swim in the local river in october, it was cold and muddy. After that I got hospitalised. Bipolar dream life...

 

[LoveTakesManyForms]

Have attempted by partial suspension, but as others have said SI kicked in before unconsciousness.

Have also stood by railway tracks and *almost* lunged into the path of an upcoming train. I remember fighting incredibly hard against my SI, lunging toward the train, before hesitating and failing. It was a step in the *right* direction, as normally I can't get to the point of actively approaching it; I just can't help but think of the traumatised, poor train driver and the feeling of hundreds of tonnes of metal thundering over me. Just the gravity of it.
I don't think that counts as an attempt though.
It also occurred to me that it's a rather difficult method, as there's a high chance of hesitation/being mangled. Have read enough stories of people with limbs cut off and the like.
As depressed as I am, I don't want to increase the panic I already feel via being limbless. As bad as things are at least I can pace frantically at my leisure, even if I am only walking down the street muttering obscenities and having constant thoughts of death and despair.

Man, I must look like a real loony to any observers.

 

[Kulkas]

Tried tourniquet and partial hanging (failed both of them) several times

 

[Cheza_mus]

It was one-day ..I had not yet joined this site and never knew about it..I went and bought carbofuran ( people had told me it can be used to ctb) .I took it ..I experienced difficult in speaking in a few minutes, I also couldn't balance myself very well I couldn't walk properly..it was not peaceful that's when I told my mum..she called my elder brother and I was taken to a nearby hospital..I was given activated charcoal , diazepam and other drugs I don't remember...I spent two days at the hospital and recovered.

 

[WrongPlaceWrongTime]

No recent attempts, though I've practiced with hanging a few times. I acted impulsively and stabbed myself a long time ago.

 

[stevieu]

I once attempted by co-proxamol overdose when I was 18. SI kicked in though and I spent a few days in hospital instead - they said I was lucky to be alive with the amount I ingested. Alas, suicidal thoughts have remained ever since.

 

[Fenrirsend]

Had a few attempts.... Same dumb stuff alot of try cause tv makes us think it works and stuff , this was before I found here and other places..... I've been trying hard to live last few years tho.. found someone, a way to live an ok life.
..but can't get home and losing it all soon so back looking for an actual way, no hollywood bs

 

[clown]

Once i was so goddamn close to attempt, but i never did.

 

[Caspers]

It caused a shitty hypoxic brain injury. I overdosed and had a heart attack, was taken out of ICU too early and had a second heart attack which caused 42 minutes of my heart not beating. Lord praise the crap NHS

 

[treetop.grazer]

I was allergic to a certain pain killer for decades. So about 18 months ago, on impulse, swallowed a whole pack of them. Well, turns out it seems I'm no longer allergic to them and just had a monster headache and bad shits for a few days.

 

[JCcog]

Mine is an outdoor method and its always too cold around here

 

[Somber]

As a child I wanted to commit suicide by pulling a plastic bag over my head. It wasn't a serious attempt, more of a test to see if it would work. Save to say I started panicking when there was too much CO2 in the bag.

When I was a teen I considered jumping off of a tall building. I had selected the specific building weeks earlier but decided on a whim and after a fight with my parents that it was time to go ahead with it. Save to say that when I angrily left on my bike dad followed me in his car to talk me out of whatever he thought I was going to do. Once I arrived at the building he was still there. Even if he had not been, I would have needed to have been buzzed into the apartment building and the door to the rooftop would prolly have been locked too.

I don't consider either of them attempts though.

 

[myopybyproxy]

i've attempted 20+ times and have been hospitalised twice. living the bpd chronic suicidality dream life (sarcasm)

Only 2 imprisonments for over 20 attempts - wow. What were your methods? What country are you in?

No recent attempts, though I've practiced with hanging a few times. I acted impulsively and stabbed myself a long time ago.

Where did you stab yourself? What was it like? Any long term effects?

It caused a shitty hypoxic brain injury. I overdosed and had a heart attack, was taken out of ICU too early and had a second heart attack which caused 42 minutes of my heart not beating. Lord praise the crap NHS

What did you overdose on?

Tried and failed. It's awful having to go on like nothing happened after a failure. My one goal now is to do it one more time and get it right.

Same. Failing this time is not an option for me. I WILL succeed.

 

[WrongPlaceWrongTime]

Where did you stab yourself? What was it like? Any long term effects?

Abdomen. Blood didn't immediately come spraying out like you might see in movies, only realized that I actually penetrated the skin when I looked again and saw blood streaming out. No long term damage and surgeons deemed it a superficial wound, though I do have a small scar there.

 

[SomeoneDutch]

Failed hanging, was found and 'saved' while unconscious.

 

[myopybyproxy]

Abdomen. Blood didn't immediately come spraying out like you might see in movies, only realized that I actually penetrated the skin when I looked again and saw blood streaming out. No long term damage and surgeons deemed it a superficial wound, though I do have a small scar there.

Right or left side, closer to the ribcage or the groin? What did you use?

Apologies for the barrage. I only ask because I have considered this (separate to suicide - as a means of preventing myself from eating - when feeling out of control from bulimia made me feel suicidal) - and there is scant information on this topic, much less first hand accounts.

 

[WrongPlaceWrongTime]

Right or left side, closer to the ribcage or the groin? What did you use?

Apologies for the barrage. I only ask because I have considered this (separate to suicide - as a means of preventing myself from eating) when feeling out of control from bulimia made me feel suicidal) - and there is scant information on this topic, much less first hand accounts.

Left side, lower part of ribcage. I grabbed a random kitchen knife (not a big one).