I had been in a series of mental hospitals/psychiatric facilities/behavioral-health facilities for ~10 months at once. At the last one I was at, I was desperate and feeling hopeless--ironically due to being in the facilities and being abused in them--so I tried to CTB.
I'm allergic to peanuts, and this facility happened to have peanut butter. I didn't see another method that wasn't as intimidating or with as bad potential consequences if I tried it (cutting myself and getting herpes or something lmao), so I ate as much as I could of 2 peanut butter sandwiches. My lips felt tingly, but I didn't get the itchiness in the mouth that I normally get when I eat peanut butter, so I thought, "maybe I outgrew the allergy." My stomach started hurting like hell, but I wasn't struggling to breathe so I considered it a failed attempt and told the nurses. I threw up, but the pain continued. I felt like I needed to poop but I couldn't; I later had diarrhea. The pain persisted. They checked my blood pressure and it was low. For some reason they didn't send me to the hospital, but I survived the incident.
Here's what I think went wrong:
- I was taking allergy meds regularly and had a pill like an hour ago, so the medicine probably saved my life.
--I should have refused it like 2 weeks in advance.
It probably won't be a method I try again.
I'd recommend that no one try killing yourself by ingesting, inhaling, or exposing yourself to something you're allergic to.
I'm allergic to peanuts, and this facility happened to have peanut butter. I didn't see another method that wasn't as intimidating or with as bad potential consequences if I tried it (cutting myself and getting herpes or something lmao), so I ate as much as I could of 2 peanut butter sandwiches. My lips felt tingly, but I didn't get the itchiness in the mouth that I normally get when I eat peanut butter, so I thought, "maybe I outgrew the allergy." My stomach started hurting like hell, but I wasn't struggling to breathe so I considered it a failed attempt and told the nurses. I threw up, but the pain continued. I felt like I needed to poop but I couldn't; I later had diarrhea. The pain persisted. They checked my blood pressure and it was low. For some reason they didn't send me to the hospital, but I survived the incident.
Here's what I think went wrong:
- I was taking allergy meds regularly and had a pill like an hour ago, so the medicine probably saved my life.
--I should have refused it like 2 weeks in advance.
It probably won't be a method I try again.
I'd recommend that no one try killing yourself by ingesting, inhaling, or exposing yourself to something you're allergic to.
