expiry date

[sickofbeinghere]

is it better to set ur date to die sooner or later? i have things i WANT to do in the meantime but i dont know if i can bring myself to because of my anxiety. i at least wanna give a bunch of my stuff away. sooner or later? im edging towards sooner.
ive had a few suicide attempts but i feel like it was more like getting myself comfortable w the idea of hanging myself etc. getting closer and closer each time. just wanna leave this rotten earth
all i feel is sorry for everybody who loves me. im so fucking sorry. it hurts them so bad to hear it, but what can I do, I cant live for them, i have to die for me

 

[Deleted member 10090]

Only you can decide that. I'm sorry you're in so much pain but if there's stuff you still want to do maybe it's best to give them a go and see how it works out.

 

[4eyebiped]

A second vote for trying to see if you can control that anxiety enough to try out some of those things you want to do. We're rooting for you!

 

[sickofbeinghere]

A second vote for trying to see if you can control that anxiety enough to try out some of those things you want to do. We're rooting for you!

thanks. i dont even know where to begin. i feel so helpless. might aswell just die already cus I wont remember doing those nice things anyway, and I wont really be present anyway cause of my C-PTSD

 

[Deleted member 10090]

thanks. i dont even know where to begin. i feel so helpless. might aswell just die already cus I wont remember doing those nice things anyway, and I wont really be present anyway cause of my C-PTSD

if your anxiety is very bad and you've tried other methods to treat your anxiety to no avail, a benzo such as clonazepam may be helpful to complete the things you still want to do.

 

[4eyebiped]

thanks. i dont even know where to begin. i feel so helpless. might aswell just die already cus I wont remember doing those nice things anyway, and I wont really be present anyway cause of my C-PTSD

You are free to list out some of the things you would like to do and perhaps some of us, or others that suffer anxiety, can offer suggestions. That is if you are comfortable talking about them in public.

EDIT: Forgot to comment on this. Concerning your C-PTSD, perhaps you can do these things multiple times, take pictures, video or something that may help with memory? Take your time working up to them. Baby steps. Don't jump in all at once. I am honestly highly ignorant on that condition so maybe someone similar can chime in with far better ideas and knowledge than I.

 

[FuneralCry]

We all have the right to exit at a time of our own choosing. It is up to you when you should leave as after all suicide is a personal decision. I understand it is hard to carry on when you are suffering so much, living is very painful. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

I think the smart move would be to fully commit to recovery or ctb right away. Just waiting around indecisively is self inflicted torture. I failed at partial hanging too and I am too scared to attempt full. That is why I switched methods to N. Because my next attempt has to be the real deal.

 

[ikadasui]

I've just accepted there will always be something I want to do or experenince, but It isn't worth the pain and mental anguish I have to live through every day.

 

[eternalmelancholy]

I've just accepted there will always be something I want to do or experenince, but It isn't worth the pain and mental anguish I have to live through every day.

It is just not worth it for me personally. Wade through an endless pile of bullshit everyday just so I can keep existing. Even if all my health, financial and relationship problems magically got fixed, I still would want to die. There is no way to fix the decades of trauma and abuse. I am completely broken as a person. With each passing year I feel the last of my humanity start to slip away. I am an empty husk by this point. I don't want to know how deep the rabbit hole can go. Life can always get worse and probably will.

 

[sickofbeinghere]

You are free to list out some of the things you would like to do and perhaps some of us, or others that suffer anxiety, can offer suggestions. That is if you are comfortable talking about them in public.

EDIT: Forgot to comment on this. Concerning your C-PTSD, perhaps you can do these things multiple times, take pictures, video or something that may help with memory? Take your time working up to them. Baby steps. Don't jump in all at once. I am honestly highly ignorant on that condition so maybe someone similar can chime in with far better ideas and knowledge than I.

sometimes im not even sure what i wanna do. depression makes me see no point in anything. but anxiety makes me feel like ill die without having done enough.

 

[4eyebiped]

sometimes im not even sure what i wanna do. depression makes me see no point in anything. but anxiety makes me feel like ill die without having done enough.

You say sometimes, so that means sometimes you do know. You should start making a list. I would be interested in seeing it. Can share it here or DM it to me if you are shy.

 

[sickofbeinghere]

You say sometimes, so that means sometimes you do know. You should start making a list. I would be interested in seeing it. Can share it here or DM it to me if you are shy.

gonna drop you a pm

 

[sickofbeinghere]

gonna drop you a pm

guys dont PM that guy, he almost immediately tried to bring the conversation to sexual stuff. mods have been informed