Venting Exhausted

[serah]

Just a vent post. Need to let it out. I'm so fucking exhausted of feeling so insecure, jealous, clingy, and possesive over other people. I have this online friend that means the world to me, but I'm just overly attached to them to the point it hurts when they hang out with others. It's this sick back and forth between, "oh they hung out with me and played games with me today life is great I'm super happy" and "they're playing with other people. they're tired of me and will leave. I should die." It's pathetic and I'm unsure of what to do. My entire mood depends on how they treated me that day, which is exhausting because I cannot control another person. I feel disgusting when they play with their other friends, but in a second I'll go to loving them and forgetting all about it when they message me and ask to hang. I am aware that it's normal for them to have other relationships and be a normal human being, but there's a side of me that feels betrayed when they do. It's the kind of thing where it's embarrasing to bring up to other people irl, it makes me come off as incredibly toxic and messed up, which perhaps I am. It hurts even more because I get these moments where I want to entirely break off a perfectly fine friendships because of the paranoia that they will leave.

 

[freedompass]

Have you ever been diagnosed with Borderline Personality, BPD? If not maybe look into it because what you describe is very typical of how BPD people relate to others. Having a 'favourite person', fixating on them, being super needy, your whole mood dependent on whether they are paying attention to you and so on. Please don't feel bad or 'toxic', I'm sure there are reasons why you have these difficulties, possibly going back to childhood or infancy. Take care, I wish you the best.

 

[serah]

Have you ever been diagnosed with Borderline Personality, BPD? If not maybe look into it because what you describe is very typical of how BPD people relate to others. Having a 'favourite person', fixating on them, being super needy, your whole mood dependent on whether they are paying attention to you and so on. Please don't feel bad or 'toxic', I'm sure there are reasons why you have these difficulties, possibly going back to childhood or infancy. Take care, I wish you the best.

I have not been diagnosed with BPD. However, I have been told by lot of people that I do inhibit a lot of the signs. Not entirely super into self diagnosing but I can see it myself. Thank you though.

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds really painful being in that situation and I'm sorry that you have to deal with these thoughts, I can imagine that it must be torture. I know that this life can be unbearable when you are so tired. I wish you the best and I hope you find relief from your suffering.

 

[whatevs]

The only solution to this is to diversify your portfolio of friends, but that's rich coming from the guy that doesn't have a single friend to begin with.