I obsess over suicide everyday; waking up wanting to kill myself, go throughout the day thinking about self-harm, and going to sleep wanting to die. It affects my school and work performance and contributes to the vicious cycle of my depression. I want to clean my room before I end my life but I can't find the energy for it. I'm just tired and exhausted. Sometimes "kill yourself, kill yourself" plays in my head like a mantra, I'm honestly shocked I haven't gone through with it yet. Anyways, I could use some encouraging words for cleaning my room at least.
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WornOutLife
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- Mar 22, 2020
- 7,183
I can relate.
Well, cleaning actually gets me in a good mood. I just feel better when my apartment is tidy. You should try to do it too lol.
Have you tried thinking that just thinking about something, such as ctb, will probably never help because it's an eternal cycle?
That helped me a bit. I'm like "Okay. If I really wanna ctb, I will. Let's stop thinking about it and enjoy our day"
Suicide is still on my mind but it's become part of me. I don't know, it's like having one more arm if that makes any sense haha.
Anyway, hope to have helped somehow.
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