Venting everyone knows

[sueoffside]

everyone knows that I'm suicidal and have plans to ctb and because I've told a few people I feel like it's given me more determination to follow through. I haven't had an attempt in 5 years, been sewersidal pretty much the entire time and hospitalised twice in those years, but I told myself I'd stick it out a bit and the next time I try will be final. It's been 5 years and I haven't done anything productive with my life so it's probably time to go. this is just a rant ? venting idk. part of what keeps me here is the obv fear of hurting my loved ones but in the same vein I want some of them to be so sorry. I want everyone who has ever wronged me to be so overwhelmingly sorry, more than what could be expressed to me still living. Not that they could do anything about how I'm feeling that's not what it is Idk if that's normal it probably is, my experiences aren't unique or special. I'm so angry I feel that if you stripped me back to my core there would be nothing but anger there. Anger and sadness, deep all encompassing sadness. Idk where I'm going with this, I just bought SN but have heard about it being seized or something at customs IDK, just knowing it's coming (if it does hopefully) is peaceful to me I hope it comes anyway lol bye thanks for reading if you read it all

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case nobody in real life knows and they never will, I think nothing good can come from telling people. Life really is so horrible. It is awful what we have to endure. Anyway, I wish you the best and I hope you find peace and freedom from suffering.

 

[sueoffside]

In my case nobody in real life knows and they never will, I think nothing good can come from telling people. Life really is so horrible. It is awful what we have to endure. Anyway, I wish you the best and I hope you find peace and freedom from suffering.

I just try to be honest w how I'm feeling knowing it will and does alienate people. I don't want anything to come as a big shock or surprise. There are reasons for both. I hope u find peace too angel x

 

[blueclover_.]

In my case nobody in real life knows and they never will, I think nothing good can come from telling people. Life really is so horrible. It is awful what we have to endure. Anyway, I wish you the best and I hope you find peace and freedom from suffering.

Man i've never told anyone about my plans, but somehow my mom knows... how

 

[sueoffside]

Man i've never told anyone about my plans, but somehow my mom knows... how

Would she have anyway of knowing ur on this site? Or maybe it's just a mothers intuition. Mine more than knows I've flat out told her but she likes to forget cos it's too hard to handle

 

[sadbadpsychogirl]

everyone knows about me too including my "family" its all being planned out. but it has to stay a "secret" because they don't even have the guts to talk to me about it directly. yeah its all true

 

[Feeding Pigeons]

Man i've never told anyone about my plans, but somehow my mom knows... how

You and her were attached as one for nine months when she was pregnant. Mothers can empathicly sense what their children are feeling without exchanging words. She sees your pain, its not a big mystery.