Venting everybody is sick of me now

[pixi]

i already had no friends and i'm not close with my family. i'm just a stranger that lives in the house. my grandpa died and my dad had a stroke so im supposed to be in charge of taking care of the house when i can't even get myself to shower and brush my teeth 99% of the time.

so the house went to shit. there's dishes all over and i've been sulking around just making the mess worse, i don't sleep in my bedroom anymore because it's so gross and i have no washing machine to even clean it, and i don't have a job anymore so i have no money to go to a laundromat, so i've been sleeping on a couch that i got way too drunk and puked on and have been attempting to get that clean using the shower, but everyone around me is done with me and i don't blame them.

i never do anything that isn't destructive to myself or the things around me and im not pleasant to be around. i make people uncomfortable and i smell like vomit and piss. everyday of my existence is miserable and i've never been more alone than i am right now. i just want to be done so bad but im too useless to even acquire a good method and i feel like the last thing i should do to everyone ive been accidentally terrorizing is leave them my dead body to find. real class act.

i don't know how to get better and i don't know if i even want to anymore. i'm as disgusting as it gets and i don't want to be around to see myself get worse, but i know im probably still at the start of what will probably be my end. i just wish i was someone else. i am a stain on this earth and i dont feel like i was ever supposed to be here

 

[Paper_Cut_93]

i already had no friends and i'm not close with my family. i'm just a stranger that lives in the house. my grandpa died and my dad had a stroke so im supposed to be in charge of taking care of the house when i can't even get myself to shower and brush my teeth 99% of the time.

so the house went to shit. there's dishes all over and i've been sulking around just making the mess worse, i don't sleep in my bedroom anymore because it's so gross and i have no washing machine to even clean it, and i don't have a job anymore so i have no money to go to a laundromat, so i've been sleeping on a couch that i got way too drunk and puked on and have been attempting to get that clean using the shower, but everyone around me is done with me and i don't blame them.

i never do anything that isn't destructive to myself or the things around me and im not pleasant to be around. i make people uncomfortable and i smell like vomit and piss. everyday of my existence is miserable and i've never been more alone than i am right now. i just want to be done so bad but im too useless to even acquire a good method and i feel like the last thing i should do to everyone ive been accidentally terrorizing is leave them my dead body to find. real class act.

i don't know how to get better and i don't know if i even want to anymore. i'm as disgusting as it gets and i don't want to be around to see myself get worse, but i know im probably still at the start of what will probably be my end. i just wish i was someone else. i am a stain on this earth and i dont feel like i was ever supposed to be here

First of all, hello, I understand how you feel, especially in the last paragraph.

The body hygiene thing is easy to change, please try to start there, even if it's difficult. When your body is clean again, do the dirty dishes; you don't have to do everything at once.

Are there other people living in your house who could help you? Excuse my grammar; I'm using a translator.

 

[TornReality]

I've gotten to the point, where I already know I'm dying.
I take care of my parents the best I can. But even they know they are going to die.
We live in a place I can't even take care of anymore, because they won't. Can't say the place is crap, but, it's more than I can handle.
I feel like, without them here, I can't continue being here.
When they move on, I feel like that's my time to move on.

 

[road2joy]

Very similar situation here. I was living with my grandmother and I was actually doing well but when she fell I got depressed and was thinking about suicide. When I finally peeled myself out of bed and started walking again and halfway through cleaning my uncle came in the door and started screaming and taking pictures and sending them to my mom, telling me I never accomplished anything.

Also I love your bio "buying time on minimum wage" I looked it up to see where it's from. Did you make that up?

 

[bankai]

I understand your inability to do anything. It stems from your mind being a battlefield. You have to constantly fight just to exist.Chores don't really seem a priority anymore. But you have to understand that they are a part of life. It's OK to go sometime without doing them, but you cannot be like that forever. Take your time, slowly do what you can. Regardless, I'm on your side.

 

[pixi]

Very similar situation here. I was living with my grandmother and I was actually doing well but when she fell I got depressed and was thinking about suicide. When I finally peeled myself out of bed and started walking again and halfway through cleaning my uncle came in the door and started screaming and taking pictures and sending them to my mom, telling me I never accomplished anything.

Also I love your bio "buying time on minimum wage" I looked it up to see where it's from. Did you make that up?

I'm sorry that you relate but its comforting to know I'm not so alone. also, thank you! I did make it up :) I used to love writing with everything in me before things got so hard