Eternal grief

[RealLostSoul]

5 stages of grief or whatever the fuck it's called is a myth. there is nothing like that. grief is eternal. time passes, the pain gets worse. I'm never gonna see her again. I don't even care if she would be my significant other or just friends. I just want to speak to her again, see her. she was so important to me and my light. there is nothing left but dust and painful memories that make me go schizo, a painful past, can't even look at photos. the last time I accidentally did made me have the worst panic ever. I wanna join her so bad. I want to go to Dignitas but im not gonna go to another fucking psychiatrist again. can't go through with SN (have it ready but can't get myself to swallow it). next best thing is IV drip overdosing on morphine. that'd be fine and I got the iv drip at home (I work and study as a paramedic and medical field) but unfortunately not the substance. If it would be summertime I would just grow some opium poppies... hmm do you think I could grow enough in a sizeable growth box?
I'm not in stage one, her being gone isn't something recent now. I'm at the last stage which is done with life for goods.

the world is dead, i'm already dead, nothing can hurt me anymore. i am ready

 

[FuneralCry]

Even know time passes, we are left with the memories. Grief can last a lifetime. It can be painful losing those who we love, I'm sorry you are going through this. It really is horrible being alive. I wish you the best, I hope you find the peace you are looking for.