entitlement

[nullpointer]

I feel as though I have an entitlement problem. I'll often think thoughts like "the difficulty of these consequences outweighs the mistake that brought them on (thus I should receive help/leniency)." From what I understand this is also a form of embitterment, or at the very least a path to it. The first thing I felt that way about was failing school with student debt. Felt unfair because my guidance counselor coerced me into going to college to begin with, despite me wanting a break after high school. Already grew up lower class and it feels like it never ends. I try to make things better but can only do so much. It's frustrating that BPD isn't taken more seriously despite 10% of us killing ourselves. Is it really entitlement if most of the time I feel fine with just being part of the statistic? I guess so because no one else gets special treatment. I wish those thoughts were easier to shake but it gets to the point that I get very upset and can't distract myself or calm down. Guys are less likely to get diagnosed with BPD, I also have the quiet variant which means I'm usually extremely subdued but when I do act out ("borderline rage") it's catastrophic. Life kinda sucks as usual and I'm trying to take it as it comes but it's hard when it's so easy to compare myself to others, even just within my own life. And it's not just a "grass is greener on the other side", they legit just have less trouble solving their issues than I do lol. Most of my issues are financial and yet I know so many people with positive net worths somehow.

End rant I guess, if any of this resonates with you feel free to chime in. If you think I'm an idiot/crybaby then join the club lol

 

[mightypabster]

While unsure about the solution to these struggles, I feel compelled to share that I'm also a guy with quiet BPD encountering very similar issues dealing with life.

I hope maybe it can be a relief to know you're not entirely alone on this fight.