enjoying the feeling of hopelessness and extreme sadness

[IWasColdBesideYou]

I don't go out of my way to get to this point, i just reflect on my life and some of my choices and the feeling of dread washes over me. I don't know how to explain it, but i just really enjoy the feeling it gives me. Just wondering if anyone else here feels this way sometimes?

 

[theboy]

Not "enjoy" but accept my emotion instead of repressing it

 

[Sulyya]

I think people might mean something similar when they say 'wallowing' in sadness. A combination of accepting and maybe enjoying it in some way, enough to stop trying to get out for a time. Sadness especially for many people will always be in their mind somewhere, in the back. Maybe the 'enjoyment' comes from letting it be unbottled for a while.

 

[CandyK__]

I feel similar. When i analyze myself I realize I tend to pursue things that I will never achieve, I try to connect with people who I know will abandon me, or I will act so that they abandon me. Seems like I enjoy the feeling of my own misery, and always being treated unrightfully. There is a weird sense of pleasure I derive from hitting my head against brick wall whenever I try to do anything. It feels natural to fail, it feels good to fail. A part of me hates me enough to be happy from my misery. If there is no hope, there is no point in trying, but only to reassure the hopeless nature of myself. Or it is how I see it.

 

[Mimi_]

I am convinced to be a horrible person. I have annoying mood swings: one moment I love life and everyone the next I hate evrything (including myself) and want to hurt people. So yeah, I like feeling a lot of sorrows and hurting myself because it's just a way of punishing me for being so horrible to my loved ones.

 

[Fwompje]

I absolutely feel the same way. Misery has been my baseline and personality since I was a child. I do enjoy it when bad things happen to me, I enjoy getting worse because I feel like I deserve it. It makes me feel validated. I'm very masochistic in that sense. If you feel similar ways you might want to read Notes From the Underground. Though people say you're a bad person if you relate to the main character...

It sucks to admit for me, a part of me really wants to get better but I'm also scared of being empty after recovering. It's a big part of my personality and even influences the art I make.

 

[ScissorYoda]

I know this feeling I think, it's like rock bottom is a comfort zone because you have nothing to loose, and getting better is a mountain to climb, why go climb the mountain when you can just freeze at base camp?