Amira
Student
- Nov 15, 2018
- 180
I hate the feeling of emptiness. I am so lifeless and exhausted. I see everyone around me so happy and full of life. Its like I am on the outside looking in. An outsider in every situation. I cant speak to anyone around me because they can only say "Things will get better" because they dont know what to say and dont have an answer. I now have given up on trying to fix the mess I made because nothings ever certain. Nothings ever fixed. It wi only be mended for sometime. Then break again just when I thought there was hope. People ask me how I am doing and I give them the easy answer because I know they are a sick and tired of hearing my problems. I cant even speak to my mom without her saying "Stop stressing me out " or " I dont want hear it". I guess she wants to deny what I am going through and wants me to pretend to be happy. So I only cry when I am alone or in the toliets at work. I lie to my co workers and say everything is good. But , I'm not good at lying and I end up telling people different things. I try to escape reality by spending hours daydreaming of what my ideal life would have been like. In those moments I feel happy and safe. But when I snap back to reality I fall back into emptiness again. I know there is nothing for me here. Yet I am afraid I wont be able to escape from this world either. I am tied down to this by the fear of not escaping with success.
