I've had an eating disorder (EDNOS, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified) for nearly 5 years. It took 3.5 years for someone to notice and do something about it. But it was too late. I have been trying to get better since I got my diagnosis last year but I'm pretty certain I will never fully recover. I never had a traditional eating disorder. I used to do insane amounts of exercise daily and eat very poorly, usually skip meals and say no when my mom asked if I was hungry. I was extremely underweight but I never realized how sick I was. After getting my diagnosis it all hit me like a freight train (no pun intended) and I started vomiting ALL the time. And I mean ALL the time. I've been severely traumatized, shocked and bitter because the person who should've noticed something was wrong didn't, and I was sick for years because of this failure. I'm currently doing a LOT better but my suicidal thoughts are stronger than ever. I have attempted ctb three times, by partial hanging, but I never lost consciousness no matter how hard I tried so I guess I did something wrong. I also tried to order SN but the page declined my card so that's a no bueno. I have planned to either carbon monoxide poison myself or take an overdose with alcohol, but I need to know more about CO and no one will actually tell me which pills I can overdose on. I just want to die peacefully, like fall asleep, so any violent ways to die are out of the question. thanks for listening to my rant.
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