Venting (dumb rant) I have everything and it’s not enough

[apearl]

I have loving married parents who made a good enough wage to raise me comfortable and they where the best parents I could've asked for. I had therapists for now, the majority of my life and most of them where good, my current one is literally the best. I've been on psych meds for years and years and my psychiatrist now is so good, she listens to me and she is really willing to try anything to help, I have a good friend who cares about me and talks to me every day. I got into a good college and make ok grades.

And it's not enough, I'm still so fucking depressed. The only solitude I get every day is death. Is knowing I can have a way out. It sucks because what am I suppose to do??? I have everything I could possibly need. And I couldn't win with it. I still feel disappointment, and I'm alone. And I'll be alone till I die I'm pretty sure.

I wish that death could be sunshine and rainbows so this could be easier.

 

[s00ngone]

Feeling sorta the same. Not with everything going well - I've certainly fucked up in more ways than one - but with enough ability to succeed in life for my overwhelming resignation to dying to be bizarre and feel kind of pathetic, to me.

I'm sorry it sounds like a source of guilt for you. I can certainly say it is for me, though if you ask me, there's no quota you're missing for life to feel like "enough." It would baffle pretty much everyone in my life to find out I feel this way, but for me it's kind of an inevitability, a foregone conclusion that just expedites the horror of life being temporary anyway.

If it's any consolation, I hear you. You're not less for not having the anticipated reaction to your circumstances. The way you're wired shouldn't have to be a source of grief on top of the pain of not knowing how to cope with being alive.

 

[apearl]

If it's any consolation, I hear you. You're not less for not having the anticipated reaction to your circumstances. The way you're wired shouldn't have to be a source of grief on top of the pain of not knowing how to cope with being alive.

Thank you for your message, I'm glad to know some on people on this website are the same. And thank you for this wnd bit. I really needed someone to be here for me in this moment and this helped a ton

 

[padda]

I feel the same way as you, and our life situations seem quite similar.I have a pretty good life, but I'm still depressed and have anxiety that has stayed for too long. somethings just wrong with my brain,I have a war with myself everyday. Btw I'm also a mitsky fan

 

[JJMaynard97]

I have loving married parents who made a good enough wage to raise me comfortable and they where the best parents I could've asked for. I had therapists for now, the majority of my life and most of them where good, my current one is literally the best. I've been on psych meds for years and years and my psychiatrist now is so good, she listens to me and she is really willing to try anything to help, I have a good friend who cares about me and talks to me every day. I got into a good college and make ok grades.

And it's not enough, I'm still so fucking depressed. The only solitude I get every day is death. Is knowing I can have a way out. It sucks because what am I suppose to do??? I have everything I could possibly need. And I couldn't win with it. I still feel disappointment, and I'm alone. And I'll be alone till I die I'm pretty sure.

I wish that death could be sunshine and rainbows so this could be easier.

It's not dumb at all. Never think that your feelings on here still matter regardless of your parents wealth, living ect... The thing is these feelings are within and no matter what happens on the outside, in life and ect... We still feel this way..only we (you, I and others on here in the same boat will understand). So never feel it's dump. You could be a millionaire with a 20 bed house in Hollywood or a hobo on the street in London and your feelings of doubt sadness and death mean the same. They will be off the same importance. It's good that you've got a therapist, friend and good parents.

Your not alone in here. Any thoughts you have share... On here we all have something in common which people on the outside don't understand. I always happy to listen.

Sadly with me my I don't know and have never met my dad and my Mum god bless her has serious issues mental health ect.... So I can't tell her. But sharing stuff in here helps. Trust me I've probably put dump rants on here. But just let it out, let it out how you feel. We will support you also......

 

[apearl]

So I can't tell her. But sharing stuff in here helps. Trust me I've probably put dump rants on here. But just let it out, let it out how you feel. We will support you also......

thank you so much for the thoughtful message, SaSu is great because of the same things that you said, it allows anyone from anyplace to talk about suicide which really isn't allowed on other platforms. I'm glad to share this space with you, and I'm happy that it's a helpful place for you too :). I hope you can find your peace.

 

[HollowCreek]

I have loving married parents who made a good enough wage to raise me comfortable and they where the best parents I could've asked for. I had therapists for now, the majority of my life and most of them where good, my current one is literally the best. I've been on psych meds for years and years and my psychiatrist now is so good, she listens to me and she is really willing to try anything to help, I have a good friend who cares about me and talks to me every day. I got into a good college and make ok grades.

And it's not enough, I'm still so fucking depressed. The only solitude I get every day is death. Is knowing I can have a way out. It sucks because what am I suppose to do??? I have everything I could possibly need. And I couldn't win with it. I still feel disappointment, and I'm alone. And I'll be alone till I die I'm pretty sure.

I wish that death could be sunshine and rainbows so this could be easier.

I feel the exact same away. On paper, nothing should be wrong. I don't know why some people enjoy their own suffering and others have everything they technically need, yet still only want to die. It might sound a bit harsh but if it makes you feel better, these things are what the public says matters, says what you should have. You didnt sit down, look inside yourself, say 'this is what I need' and come up with a good therapist and a good college. I'm 'happier' with nothing as a minimalist than I ever was with a million things.

 

[gothbird]

Pain like that, pain despite everything, is hard to speak aloud—because the world doesn't know what to do with it when there's no villain to blame. No trauma to point at. No tidy reason. Just the suffocating pain of existing in a life that looks "good enough" from the outside and still hurts like hell on the inside.

You're not broken for feeling this way. You didn't fail. You didn't lose. Sometimes the equation doesn't add up because the numbers were never the point. Love, support, safety—they're beautiful, vital things. But they don't always touch the kind of loneliness or sorrow that lives deep in the bones. That haunts you in the quietest moments, when no one's watching, and all you can do is feel it.

And I know that death can feel like the only soft place left to rest your head. The only door that isn't locked. But you're not strange for wanting that softness. For craving an end to the ache. I wish, too, that death could be sunshine and rainbows—if only so it wouldn't feel so terrifying when it's the only thing that brings relief.

Just know: you're not ungrateful. You're not unworthy. You're human. And sometimes being human is unbearable, no matter how many good things surround you.

 

[apearl]

I feel the exact same away. On paper, nothing should be wrong. I don't know why some people enjoy their own suffering and others have everything they technically need, yet still only want to die. It might sound a bit harsh but if it makes you feel better, these things are what the public says matters, says what you should have. You didnt sit down, look inside yourself, say 'this is what I need' and come up with a good therapist and a good college. I'm 'happier' with nothing as a minimalist than I ever was with a million things.

Thats a good perspective to look at it like, it reminds me of the social model of disability I just never thought that it might also apply to mental disorders but it probably does. I appreciate your response! :)

Pain like that, pain despite everything, is hard to speak aloud—because the world doesn't know what to do with it when there's no villain to blame. No trauma to point at. No tidy reason. Just the suffocating pain of existing in a life that looks "good enough" from the outside and still hurts like hell on the inside.

You phrased this so perfectly, I think thats a big issue with psychological issues and our current society because its so hard for people to wrap their moral framework on life around something so unfair and random. Some people just have depression, not because they are bad or cause they accepted the wrong god, but because some brains just messed up.

Just know: you're not ungrateful. You're not unworthy. You're human. And sometimes being human is unbearable, no matter how many good things surround you.

Thank you for your reply, It's been helping me cope to reread it whenever I come back to these thoughts.

 

[puzlewillburn]

Same perfect life, loving parents, lots of money. But my mind couldn't give a damn all it wants is to torture me all day and night. The only time life is bearable is when i am on some drug. Been this way since i was 10 and people have been telling it only gets better but it only gets worse. The pain makes all the good things i have worthless.

 

[FoxSauce]

Dw I understand not all of it but I do. You dont need to feel guilty cuz you have a good life and be depressed.

You have a right to be. Don't think that is dumb to think so you're a human being dont ever feel sorry for that.

Sometimes you learn that material things doesn't garuntee happiness so you can all the wonderful material things and feel like a pile of crap.

Depression just happens stuff in the brain, so don't feel guilty for that.