Drinking and pondering my choices

[lostinthebleak]

As of late my life has been slowly moving towards a dark place. I've noticed I've been drinking a lot more than I used to. I'm stressed more than ever. Lost a lot of sleep and weight too. The idea of possibly losing my job has made my life hell. Even with the support of some of my coworkers and my wife I can't help but feel hollow. I've become more antisocial, more apoplectic, and more withdrawn from the things that once made me happy. My best friend was in a major accident that nearly killed him recently. I lost my mother who was my best friend and confidant last year to a drunk driver. Nearly lost my dad and brother to this pandemic. And now due to sheer circumstances my job is at risk of something I didn't know about. I've spent thousands of dollars of my emergency fund on a lawyer to help me. Lost so much sleep and sanity over this situation. Already faced demotion for my "crimes" and could potentially lose my livelihood as a result. I'm scared, numb, and on the verge of tears almost on a daily basis. Part of me just wants to end it all and CTB now. While another hopes things will get better. I don't know what to think rn.

 

[ClownMe]

I'm sorry to hear that you're suffering so much at the moment, I wish I could help, but obviously I can't, sending you love.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

You are in an acutely bad situation which probably means you will need to stabilize first and foremost. I had a phase like this; panic, misery, despair every single day. The only thing that helped was a good one-two combo of medication. So I would try to stop drinking for at least a short period and see about getting on something that can help you deal. It won't be perfect, but you'll feel more unfazed. Hopefully you can get this done, and not ctb while you're in the midst of a bad situation. I feel like that's never a good idea. Best of luck.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand it is painful when things just get worse. I'm sorry you have to go through all this, being alive really can be horrible. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[lostinthebleak]

I understand it is painful when things just get worse. I'm sorry you have to go through all this, being alive really can be horrible. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

Thank you. I'm trying to hope for the best in my situation but planking for the worst if I need to CTB. I can't help but feel guilty as my wife told me recently she wanted to start a family soon