double suicide

[clearing eyes]

does anyone else fantasize about having someone to commit suicide with? ideally, i'd like to commit suicide with my lover. however, despite his pain he wants to keep living. i don't see the bright future that he sees, but i also don't want to leave him alone. i know that life does not get better from here. how could it? it hasn't been good since i was a toddler. i wish we could die together and finally be free. i don't express this to many people, as they will probably see me as selfish. i've been called a psychopath for merely expressing my disdain for being alive. to me and many others, life is a prison. it's a torture sentence. all i want is to be released.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

If my husband wanted to die with me, it would be a done deal. He wants to live, though, and he has a much bigger family than I do.

 

[_Minsk]

does anyone else fantasize about having someone to commit suicide with? ideally, i'd like to commit suicide with my lover. however, despite his pain he wants to keep living. i don't see the bright future that he sees, but i also don't want to leave him alone. i know that life does not get better from here. how could it? it hasn't been good since i was a toddler. i wish we could die together and finally be free. i don't express this to many people, as they will probably see me as selfish. i've been called a psychopath for merely expressing my disdain for being alive. to me and many others, life is a prison. it's a torture sentence. all i want is to be released.

going with a like minded partner would be the best thing i could imagine

 

[deleted]

My best friend already invited me to kill me with him, but the idea of jumping from a high place (not high enough to have a 100% guarantee that you will not survive), did not cheer me up, he is Waiting for a better opportunity to call me

 

[clearing eyes]

If my husband wanted to die with me, it would be a done deal. He wants to live, though, and he has a much bigger family than I do.

yes, that's a difficult situation...

My best friend already invited me to kill me with him, but the idea of jumping from a high place (not high enough to have a 100% guarantee that you will not survive), did not cheer me up, he is Waiting for a better opportunity to call me

i hope you two find your peace.

 

[Kikoo Loool]

does anyone else fantasize about having someone to commit suicide with? ideally, i'd like to commit suicide with my lover. however, despite his pain he wants to keep living. i don't see the bright future that he sees, but i also don't want to leave him alone. i know that life does not get better from here. how could it? it hasn't been good since i was a toddler. i wish we could die together and finally be free. i don't express this to many people, as they will probably see me as selfish. i've been called a psychopath for merely expressing my disdain for being alive. to me and many others, life is a prison. it's a torture sentence. all i want is to be released.

Yes, I fantasize on a double poisoning (SN, since I can't find N nor F). I would like very much to spend my last moments with someone I know or even love, even though it would have no importance at all once we're dead.

 

[WornOutLife]

does anyone else fantasize about having someone to commit suicide with? ideally, i'd like to commit suicide with my lover. however, despite his pain he wants to keep living. i don't see the bright future that he sees, but i also don't want to leave him alone. i know that life does not get better from here. how could it? it hasn't been good since i was a toddler. i wish we could die together and finally be free. i don't express this to many people, as they will probably see me as selfish. i've been called a psychopath for merely expressing my disdain for being alive. to me and many others, life is a prison. it's a torture sentence. all i want is to be released.

Yeah, normal people seem to call us psychopath just because they don't understand our lack of interest for life.

My ex and I were planning to CTB together. We had everything planned but at the last moment, she regretted to do so. I didn't get mad or anything, but it would've been nice to die next to someone you love.

Good luck with CTB. Do you already have s method on mind?

PS: "Life is prison", I couldn't agree more.

 

[CarbonMonoxide]

My best friend already invited me to kill me with him, but the idea of jumping from a high place (not high enough to have a 100% guarantee that you will not survive), did not cheer me up, he is Waiting for a better opportunity to call me

Wow, all the best to you both. If only I could locate someone willing to go out into the deep woods with me, camp a while, get drunk, do some weed, reminisce and then string up some sturdy ropes and hang ourselves to oblivion.

 

[clearing eyes]

Yeah, normal people seem to call us psychopath just because they don't understand our lack of interest for life.

My ex and I were planning to CTB together. We had everything planned but at the last moment, she regretted to do so. I didn't get mad or anything, but it would've been nice to die next to someone you love.

Good luck with CTB. Do you already have s method on mind?

PS: "Life is prison", I couldn't agree more.

i was planning on sticking a shotgun in my mouth. i live in a state where it's easy to buy guns, plus i've been saving up. the only thing i'm scared of is being found by someone and scarring them for life, even if i do find a secluded area. plus, there is always the possibility of failure. i mean, if i put it in my mouth it would probably be hard to mess up, but what if...

 

[WornOutLife]

i was planning on sticking a shotgun in my mouth. i live in a state where it's easy to buy guns, plus i've been saving up. the only thing i'm scared of is being found by someone and scarring them for life, even if i do find a secluded area. plus, there is always the possibility of failure. i mean, if i put it in my mouth it would probably be hard to mess up, but what if...

I understand. Well you can always leave notes around the area such as "dead body around, call the police" and also get lots of sheets or whatever to cover in them and then shoot yourself. You'll be less "visible" and cause less trauma to the one who finds you!

 

[Shinkansen]

when I went to school, I fantasized a lot about suicide with a girlfriend, I would have liked to have a girl to live a short love story with, dream of escaping from this prison called "life", and then end our life by hanging ourselves together in a forest at night.

growing up I realized that people like me are made to die alone, also because I have never had a girlfriend.

 

[Deleted member 18655]

I love the idea of not dying alone. But I am alone, physically speaking and joining with another person over the internet is too big a gamble. The Goodbye threads here at least give "some" closure; I think that's the way I'll go.

 

[EGR92]

Wow, all the best to you both. If only I could locate someone willing to go out into the deep woods with me, camp a while, get drunk, do some weed, reminisce and then string up some sturdy ropes and hang ourselves to oblivion.

Sounds like the perfect suicide

 

[oneanonymous]

I used to. I was in the partners thread for a bit but had bad experiences. I finally met one guy who I thought I had a connection with. We talked for a couple of months. He changed his mind at the last minute, which was okay. I couldn't get mad over something like that. I was happy that he finally saw some light at the end of the tunnel, and I'm not just saying that. Then when he was trying to stop me from going through with it, he randomly sent a nude. I went off on him and then a week later he started asking me advice on hanging, which made no sense because he supposedly bought us a lot of fentanyl which would be a more peaceful death and he was terrified to even do that. Things started not adding up (for more than that reason), and while I could be wrong, I don't think he ever really had any intentions of being my partner. I blocked his number and haven't spoken to him since.
But while I still like the idea, the more I think about it, the more I think I want to go alone. It's such a personal experience. As selfish as this sounds, I don't want to be merely an extra for someone else's suicide. The kind of person I am, I'd be catering to the other person's needs and focusing on making them comfortable. I'd be trying to help them feel better in their last moments and ignoring my own. While it would be nice for them to equally do the same for me, from my experience, that's a long shot.
I am lonely, though, and I hate it. It would be nice to have someone actually share the experience rather just use me, but I've given up on that too. It's not impossible though, so I hope some of you find that. Truly.

 

[WornOutLife]

I used to. I was in the partners thread for a bit but had bad experiences. I finally met one guy who I thought I had a connection with. We talked for a couple of months. He changed his mind at the last minute, which was okay. I couldn't get mad over something like that. I was happy that he finally saw some light at the end of the tunnel, and I'm not just saying that. Then when he was trying to stop me from going through with it, he randomly sent a nude. I went off on him and then a week later he started asking me advice on hanging, which made no sense because he supposedly bought us a lot of fentanyl which would be a more peaceful death and he was terrified to even do that. Things started not adding up (for more than that reason), and while I could be wrong, I don't think he ever really had any intentions of being my partner. I blocked his number and haven't spoken to him since.
But while I still like the idea, the more I think about it, the more I think I want to go alone. It's such a personal experience. As selfish as this sounds, I don't want to be merely an extra for someone else's suicide. The kind of person I am, I'd be catering to the other person's needs and focusing on making them comfortable. I'd be trying to help them feel better in their last moments and ignoring my own. While it would be nice for them to equally do the same for me, from my experience, that's a long shot.
I am lonely, though, and I hate it. It would be nice to have someone actually share the experience rather just use me, but I've given up on that too. It's not impossible though, so I hope some of you find that. Truly.

What an asshole. I mean, if you've really ended up meeting and having some fun with alcohol, drugs, etc before dying, I might understand if something else had happened but sending nudes when you gave him no reason to?
That's why many girls hate men so much lol.


Anyway, if you or anybody need someone to talk to, count on me! I promise not to send you nudes LOL and it would feel cool to cope with this struggle of not belonging here and "when to leave" dilemma.

 

[oneanonymous]

What an asshole. I mean, if you've really ended up meeting and having some fun with alcohol, drugs, etc before dying, I might understand if something else had happened but sending nudes when you gave him no reason to?
That's why many girls hate men so much lol.


Anyway, if you or anybody need someone to talk to, count on me! I promise not to send you nudes LOL and it would feel cool to cope with this struggle of not belonging here and "when to leave" dilemma.

That's the thing. I honestly think his plan was to meet up and get me high without the suicide. He may have thought he could either talk me into having sex or just get me so high that he would take advantage of me anyway. He knew I had zero romantic interest. Not to mention, I have post SSRI sexual dysfunction and also have had zero libido for nine months now. I have had the random dick pick sent to me quite a few times but this was the only one that completely took me by surprise. It really just made me lose hope in ever being able to trust anyone.

And thank you. It is nice to connect with people on here who understand all of this. It's really helped. I still talk to people on here, I'm just not searching for an actual partner. I hope things look up for you. Either way, I hope you find peace in whatever form that comes in.

 

[Deleted member 19654]

I used to. I was in the partners thread for a bit but had bad experiences. I finally met one guy who I thought I had a connection with. We talked for a couple of months. He changed his mind at the last minute, which was okay. I couldn't get mad over something like that. I was happy that he finally saw some light at the end of the tunnel, and I'm not just saying that. Then when he was trying to stop me from going through with it, he randomly sent a nude. I went off on him and then a week later he started asking me advice on hanging, which made no sense because he supposedly bought us a lot of fentanyl which would be a more peaceful death and he was terrified to even do that. Things started not adding up (for more than that reason), and while I could be wrong, I don't think he ever really had any intentions of being my partner. I blocked his number and haven't spoken to him since.
But while I still like the idea, the more I think about it, the more I think I want to go alone. It's such a personal experience. As selfish as this sounds, I don't want to be merely an extra for someone else's suicide. The kind of person I am, I'd be catering to the other person's needs and focusing on making them comfortable. I'd be trying to help them feel better in their last moments and ignoring my own. While it would be nice for them to equally do the same for me, from my experience, that's a long shot.
I am lonely, though, and I hate it. It would be nice to have someone actually share the experience rather just use me, but I've given up on that too. It's not impossible though, so I hope some of you find that. Truly.

Blocking him was definitely the right thing to do. Sorry you wasted your time and energy on some asshole. I don't understand what goes through a guys mind when they decide they want to send a random nude. Someone send me a dick pic once and it legit looked like a anteaters snout. Not pretty to look at lol.

I used to like the idea too but the more I think about, I think it's better to do alone. Last thing I would want is one of us to fail the ctb attempt and be arrested for assisted suicide etc.

That's the thing. I honestly think his plan was to meet up and get me high without the suicide. He may have thought he could either talk me into having sex or just get me so high that he would take advantage of me anyway. He knew I had zero romantic interest. Not to mention, I have post SSRI sexual dysfunction and also have had zero libido for nine months now. I have had the random dick pick sent to me quite a few times but this was the only one that completely took me by surprise. It really just made me lose hope in ever being able to trust anyone.

What a jackass. Takes a special kind of asshole to try take advantage of someone at a vulnerable point in their life just so they have a chance to get off with them.

 

[oneanonymous]

Blocking him was definitely the right thing to do. Sorry you wasted your time and energy on some asshole. I don't understand what goes through a guys mind when they decide they want to send a random nude. Someone send me a dick pic once and it legit looked like a anteaters snout. Not pretty to look at lol.

I used to like the idea too but the more I think about, I think it's better to do alone. Last thing I would want is one of us to fail the ctb attempt and be arrested for assisted suicide etc.

Yes! This actually went through my mind as well. What if one of us survives? Of course, if this happened to me, I would be so scared that I may actually be able to jump to my death, but that would be such a horrific situation.

 

[Nymph]

does anyone else fantasize about having someone to commit suicide with? ideally, i'd like to commit suicide with my lover. however, despite his pain he wants to keep living. i don't see the bright future that he sees, but i also don't want to leave him alone. i know that life does not get better from here. how could it? it hasn't been good since i was a toddler. i wish we could die together and finally be free. i don't express this to many people, as they will probably see me as selfish. i've been called a psychopath for merely expressing my disdain for being alive. to me and many others, life is a prison. it's a torture sentence. all i want is to be released.

Yeah I wish I could die with a friend or something. Investing SN at the same time and holding each other's hands or hugging each other. It would be such a heartwarming way to go

 

[FullCircle]

I don't even need someone to do it with me, just someone to be with and share thoughts with before it happens.

 

[Imtiredofeverything]

Yes. So very much. I really wish I could be with someone in person in my last moments (even if they don't even ctb, just present with me). Even though my boyfriend loves me so much and i share the same, he sees hope, I don't. I can't. I sure wish I did for his sake so I could stay with him or just some way by which i could let him not feel pain. I feel so much guilt about thinking this way and having no hope. And I feel so guilty that what I have is just not enough for me to live. He has attempted ctb, but he found hope and I am stuck just as it has been throughout these years, since I have been a kid and I wish he would atleast understand and forgive me. I'm so very happy he found hope but there is a strong likelihood me going through with it will make him attempt ctb, maybe fatally this time and I just don't know what to do. Your post reminded me of 2 people from this forum who met up, had a good time and ctbd together(rip). It sounded perfect (as twisted as it may sound), just what i ideally want.

 

[oneanonymous]

@Imtiredofeverything I'm so sorry you're going through that. I know the feeling of guilt when it comes to hurting the people we love because of this decision, but for me, I know no one will commit suicide because of my choice. So, I know the guilt you're feeling must be even more profound. I can't even imagine. I'm just so sorry, truly. I hope for the best for you but I know that doesn't help you much.

 

[Imtiredofeverything]

@ohgeeitsme thank you for being so kind....I am sorry you went through what you did on the partner thread here. You seem to be a really caring and sweet person. I hope you find what you seek really....comfort, peace or whatever you want. I don't know what I could contribute but if anything would help or if you would need someone I will be here. Everybody deserves peace and love, not pain and torture.