Don’t want to fail, what keeps me

[plough22]

What keeps me is the fear of failure, hurting my parents too but I'd say they know that I'd have found peace in my head. I cannot accept the life that I being given due to someone else's lies/untruths. How it destroyed me in all aspects including my mental health.
I don't mind the fear/pain, I believe I could get over that but the fear of failure. Ending up being committed where my friends work. Seeing those I work with cause of failure. That can't happen, that can't happen. I must do it right, when the time is right.

 

[profoundexperience]

All I've found I can do is thoroughly research my method, prepare fastidiously (although not to the point of obsessiveness), and practice practice PRACTICE.

Just like any form of birth control, any surgery, flying in an airplane, etc.... there is always a chance of failure in anything we do here* (that's just another reason why life sucks).

You're aware of that. Use that anxiety to reduce the chances of failure as much as you reasonably can... and then -- perhaps the only thing left is to "let go".

* Of course, if our lives were truly ours and we could get real, medical help (another person monitoring) in suicide... the failure rate could be reduced to zero (for all practical purposes). But most of us are not given this freedom (yet another reason life sucks).