Venting don’t want anyone finding out about my ctb

[femboyy]

I have some family members who care for me and i am incredibly thankful for that but they really are the only reasons keeping me from ctb. I don't want anyone i know finding out i committed suicide. I wish somebody would kill me or i die in an accident or something. Or maybe i could go missing and then ctb. I really don't know, i just don't have any energy left to keep going.

 

[leaftomb]

i must admit i've also thought about going missing and ctb so at least my family wouldn't have to find me, but sadly we don't have any control over what happens after we pass. very honestly tho, i feel like not knowing whether you are dead or alive might hurt them more. i don't know you, or them, so this is just an assumption. i hope things get easier for you, always here if you wanna talk about it.

 

[waterworks]

It the 1900s you could walk 10 blocks and start a new life. But now, impossible to disappear. Sorry you're dealing with that

 

[dazed.daydreamer]

This is relatable. I hate the thought of my family finding out, that's been a factor holding me back. I am only willing to do it now because I'm not living at home so my family wouldn't find my body, and I have a sister so I know my mom would stay safe for her (she's very family-oriented and would be worries about her safety in the aftermath otherwise). Some people will still be hurt by my decision which I abhor, but I'm also hurting people by not doing it, and I also just can't wait any longer
Realizing my reply was only self-focused, so adding on:
It's clear you care a lot about your family, and despite your intense pain and distress, you care about how your potential suicide would impact them. That says a lot about your heart and character, in a good way. I hope you find peace and comfort, whatever you end up doing

 

[Oyasumidanny]

Spoiler: i kinda feel guily for saying this :(

I understand, I personally am waiting for my grandmother to leave this world so I can ctb

 

[UKscotty]

I think we have to disconnect from the future to be able to CTB.

It sounds rough but we simply won't be here to experience how others do or do not react to our CTB.