Discussion Does women lose respect when you open up?

[telemark05]

I have a girlfriend who has her own struggles, and I've always been there for her and supported her and tried to give her love when she was feeling down. It felt nice to do so and I felt like I loved her even more when she showed vulnerability and opened up to me. Now lately I have decided to be more open with her, and at first she said it's fine for me to cry and open up. She tried to support me at first. Then I noticed her love towards me has since dropped, and she has been thinking about having a break with me and even said it was partly because of my problems and suicidal thoughts. A break as in like we are still together but she wants me to get better before we meet again. It's "too much" for her. A similar story also happened to a friend of mine. Her friends tells her to leave, and says they would leave in an instant. No one has any compassion and it's like the girls lost all respect for me, and they have no compassion for a "weak man" or whatever I am. Everything went wrong after I opened up too much. Im also being labelled a narcissist by her friends and all the bad things, and she almost fell for it. I feel like it's a way for them to justify their hate towards me. I don't understand. Could be I got some of this wrong but it doesn't seem like it. I read a lot of stories about the same thing happening to other guys, and my best friend warned me not to be open or vulnerable towards any girl. I love this girl and want to marry her, so this really hurts me. Im so confused.

UPDATE: I realized it wasn't because I opened up, but the way I treated her which was wrong. She needed a break from my problems not because she lost feelings, but because it made me toxic. It's my fault, not hers. Thanks for your responses anyway

 

[22yearsbroken]

I think so... sometimes.. i tbink it depends on age and environment.. women dont want to see the vunerable side sometimes ..and men dont want to show it either because we dont want to seem weak .. but now i dont give 2 shits tbis is me like it or leave..

 

[LigottiIsRight]

Obviously not. There will be some that do it for whatever reasons, same as men. It doesn't relate to gender, but with the person's story. Women aren't a hivemind, they don't act and feel the same.

 

[c.c]

Well, i have had all men in my life regardless of there age or relationship with or closeness have always opened up to me pretty quick into knowing each other and i have never seen them as vulnerable or pitted them..till date my feelings after knowing there strugglers and feelings havn't changed a bit..i feel like your gf wasn't a real one ...
Also i feel the same as you towards my bf..we are kinda in the same situtation..
Hope you find the love and support you deserve soon♡

 

[WhiteRabbit]

Some women? Maybe. All women? No.

I've always liked it when men open up. I know it can be more difficult for them, and I take it as a sign that they trust me.

But someone complaining about their problems constantly can be unattractive.

 

[bankai]

Many women will. Many men will. As a man, you're supposed to suck it up. This is what I was told. This is what I do.

 

[encore]

when the patriarchal man became emotionally reserved and cold - because this is what many men deemed as the golden masculine standard - some women internalized that idea and had their preferences adjusted under the cultural influence. thing about humans is that we are very much capable of observing and rejecting these unwritten "rules" imposed on us by society, which means that while a certain percentage of women will indeed not find emotional men attractive, there will always be others who feel the opposite.

it's just about people you happen to date. it always is. you can date 5 girls in a row and all of them will adhere to this toxic belief, but that still doesn't in any way, shape or form reflect what the majority of the population is like.

 

[burneverybridge]

Could be wrong but it sounds like she wants to be the victim in the relationship. You having your own issues has made her think - but what about me? It's not a you problem, it's a her problem

 

[divinemistress36]

Only immature women/men dont like it

 

[Rynalia]

As others said, everyone is different. This also goes for people's ability to handle what the other party sends out.

Opening up has more to it than just being able to share everything. It's a delicate balancing act of respecting the other person's boundaries while also getting out what you need to as well. Opening the floodgates right from the start (no matter how well you know someone) may overwhelm someone if they aren't already used to dealing with it.

Now that the obligatory benefit of the doubt is out of the way...

There are absolutely fuckwits that abuse this dynamic for gain. Some people want the focus to be on them and will absolutely manipulate you in order to get all the attention and care. When that dynamic is threatened, there are absolutely people who would break it off unceremoniously and find someone else that will feed their complex. These people are scum, and if you ever encounter one, you absolutely deserve better in your life.

 

[telemark05]

Could be wrong but it sounds like she wants to be the victim in the relationship. You having your own issues has made her think - but what about me? It's not a you problem, it's a her problem

This may be true. She told me she doesn't feel like her problems are valid anymore, because mine were "worse." I tried to assure her that's not the case at all. She also admitted when drunk to exaggerating her problems and that she really just wants me to feed her with attention when she wants it. I love her too much so I won't leave her because of this. Im just very confused and sad. A part of me is angry at her, but I won't show it in case it makes matters worse. Hopefully there's a fix to this.

As others said, everyone is different. This also goes for people's ability to handle what the other party sends out.

Opening up has more to it than just being able to share everything. It's a delicate balancing act of respecting the other person's boundaries while also getting out what you need to as well. Opening the floodgates right from the start (no matter how well you know someone) may overwhelm someone if they aren't already used to dealing with it.

Now that the obligatory benefit of the doubt is out of the way...

There are absolutely fuckwits that abuse this dynamic for gain. Some people want the focus to be on them and will absolutely manipulate you in order to get all the attention and care. When that dynamic is threatened, there are absolutely people who would break it off unceremoniously and find someone else that will feed their complex. These people are scum, and if you ever encounter one, you absolutely deserve better in your life.

I pray she is not like that but it really seems like it. I also don't get why she would make her friends think that im an abusive narcissist. It hurts me so bad because I love her too much to let go, but she has been so bad towards me lately. We are literally soulmates, but a part of me also feel like she is a snake. Fuck this is hard.

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

Hard to tell, since that would require them to have respected me in the first place !

 

[burneverybridge]

There is a fix but you aren't gonna like it. Imagine getting really sick or on your arse poor or losing a loved one. She'll be out the door. Sorry to be brutal but I've little time for people who play games in relationships

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

In my sadly limited experience, yes. Their feelings are the substance and meaning of the universe. Yours are...

 

[Pale_Rider]

There are woman that just want you to be a "rock". True, but that just means shes not the one for you. Even if you did catch some feelings already. Unless you can keep these things to yourself. I keep many things to myself. I was married 5 years my wife knew none of what SASU knows. Of course I didnt know either. lol, but I did at first. It was all suppressed for her. Because thats what men do. If they want to.

 

[meloncholia]

Everyone has a fantasy of having a person love them that makes their life easier, but far less people are willing to make someone else's life easier.

 

[Saturn_]

Nah, at least not me.

 

[Dejected 55]

I've always been told that women do not find emotional men to be attractive, in spite of many women saying they want a man in touch with his emotions. I've honestly never met a woman who was accepting of me being open. I'm not a constant whiner or complainer, but I like being an open book with friends or someone I love, and it never goes well. I trust but am always punished I feel for that trust. I have given up on it now.

 

[JesiBel]

If I were in a relationship, I'd like him to feel free to express his emotions and feelings. I think it helps a lot to connect better and create a closer bond.

 

[Pale_Rider]

So I wanted to clean up my last a bit. It sounds like I was suffering, but I was very happy to be with my wife. I suppressed a lot of bad memories, and looked forward to a life with her. Unfortunately she had a hunger for self that could never be satisfied. ( she was 10 years younger so chalk it up to that I guess ) , but thats life. Life a bitch, you marry one, then you commit suicide. lol

 

[no-hope-no-future]

My experience is that as soon as you open up as a man, it will be used against you as a weapon and a means to manipulate you. Talking about how I feel has left me absolutely petrified to talk to people in person. I can't even talk to anyone I know about suicidal ideation in real life now. At least looking at a computer screen takes away the human element. I talk to my car all the time about how I feel but never to another human being. Its just too dangerous

To answer the original question, yes I believe talking about how you feel will cause a woman to lose respect. You are showing weakness and that is never allowed under any circumstances... EVER