Does anyone visualize their death throughout the day?

[SelfishMom]

I know I worded that in a weird way, what I mean is, for instance, I'm riding in the car and imagine slamming into a tree at 70. It feels so real I'll flinch, shake, or even cry. Not sad tears, just from this feeling of how close death could be and how it would all be over. Joy, maybe.

 

[Kyrok]

Not just visualize, but feel it. I feel it calling. While driving, I feel the call to swerve into an oncoming truck. While near a gun, feel the urge to stick it in my mouth. Visceral.

 

[LastDay]

Oh yeah. For me it's like thinking about sex. Turns me on. I mean not sexually exactly but I feel pleasure when I imagine the ways to end it in my head.

 

[Circles]

I know I worded that in a weird way, what I mean is, for instance, I'm riding in the car and imagine slamming into a tree at 70. It feels so real I'll flinch, shake, or even cry. Not sad tears, just from this feeling of how close death could be and how it would all be over. Joy, maybe.

Almost every day I think about that 'moment' when, where, how it'll happen. The hesitation and temptation of swerving off a road or jumping in front of a train is overwhelming for me cause I could just do it but somehow I can't override myself. I feel bad for thinking this way, like I hate not knowing how I'm going to die if I keep living. That's why I always think about killing myself where atleast I will have the control to go out on my own terms. Everyday could be our last, any moment could finally be it. And that's what scares me is the fact that there's nothing to prepare yourself for it especially the pain.

 

[Koal]

Sometimes in my brain I see flashes of myself dead by whatever method I'm currently considering. The last few days I've seen myself on the lawn behind the garage after taking SN. (I'd do it on the lawn in case I screw it up and vomit.)

 

[Philip]

I absolutely do......my last moments either by sn or full suspension......

 

[Hopeless_soul]

Yeah, especially in moments like this, when I have acute insomnia. Just try to imagine I'm already dead to numb my senses. It's not working today.

 

[511115]

It might sound strange, but I'll imagine going through with my method of choice... but not the aftermath. I might think fleetingly about someone discovering my body, or how gross it'll be to be a corpse. But I don't really think about the dead part. I mainly obsess over how I'll do it, and honestly try to avoid the part where my body goes into rigor mortis and/or shits itself.

I like to plan details like where I'll go, how I'll do it, what I'll need, what music I'll listen to, whether or not I'll send cliche final 'I love you' texts, etc.

I gloss over the being dead part because I think maybe I'll chicken out if I focus too much on my disgusting, decaying corpse.

 

[LostBoy]

Absolutely, various way of death, yesterday was the 6 months to day marker of my sons passing, yesterday I was thinking of having my head smashed in with hammers as in by a gang or something just because that's where my noise is.

 

[Smilla]

24/7, every waking and sleeping moment.

In my dreams I am often riding a bus while it crashes. In my waking moments, my death is a constant. I google local hotels and envision myself in a chair in the hotel ad photos of rooms (the one today was a red velvet chair), and zoom in to try to determine if the side table is sturdy enough to secure my tank to.

I'm obsessed with time, place, circumstance.
It's inescapable and never ending. Today I looked at a particular hotel and envisioned myself walking through the lobby and checking in.

 

[21Neberg]

All the time! I'm excited as hell.

 

[throwaway123]

Yes.

 

[Lifeisatrap]

Yeah, there are no failed attempts in fantasies, reality is a far different more unpredictable and bleaker story sadly:(

 

[Paulsmith]

Yes very much so. Hopefully it'll be a reality on Saturday morning

 

[Dragon]

Yeah, it never stops tbh. I constantly have mental images pop into my head of probably every way to die imaginable. If I'm in the kitchen and see a knife I'll picture myself just slicing my throat. Everything, pretty much. Even just sitting and daydreaming I'll picture my body being found with my head blown off. It's been the case for awhile now.

 

[SiArc]

I do all the time walking through my house, seeing thi gs burnt and such.

Before I have gotten so close to my date I used to imagine all sorts of ways I could just "die now". In the kitchen just stab myself over and over, driving to go over that guard rail and down the cliff or into the tree on the curvy road, walk out into traffic, just choose a train car and put my head under the wheel, etc.

Now that I have everything I am in limbo until my specific date. I am neither sad nor anxious. Just waiting.

 

[Miss clefable]

Yes I'm gonna jump and it's gonna cause a mess

 

[letmeseethedeath]

I know I worded that in a weird way, what I mean is, for instance, I'm riding in the car and imagine slamming into a tree at 70. It feels so real I'll flinch, shake, or even cry. Not sad tears, just from this feeling of how close death could be and how it would all be over. Joy, maybe.

yes, i do every day and sometimes i cry but it's for the happiness of how it would finish all my pain

 

[DreamsofDeath]

I do quite regularly. I picture myself catching the bus in various ways, the motions of whichever method I'm visualising, me carrying it out. I feel conflicting things when I do; in some ways comfort and hope but in other ways frustration that I'm not able to put it into practice/can't summon up the courage to try certain methods which are easier to come by without purchasing anything difficult to get hold of.

 

[JOT]

Constantly. I obsessively think about my death and like a few others have said, I have really strong urges when I'm driving.
I often think "I'm doing 90 on the motorway, what would happen if I swerved into the central res".

 

[Final Escape]

Yes, I've been looking at pics of corpses to comfort myself about what the body looks as it decomposes lol! I was reading about the stages of death. I'm trying to get more comfortable with the idea of death.

 

[JOT]

Yes, I've been looking at pics of corpses to comfort myself about what the body looks as it decomposes lol! I was reading about the stages of death. I'm trying to get more comfortable with the idea of death.

I highly recommend "Ask a mortician" on YouTube for all things decomposition, funeral practices, body prep.

 

[Suicidal4Ever]

Almost every single day. I even watch horror and action movies and when someone dies i wish it was me instead.

 

[Whatiwantiswhatiwas]

I can't stop thinking about the last day, my funeral etc. I think about it constantly. Even when I'm having sex, when I'm driving, when I'm in the gym, when I'm with friends. I think about it pretty much every waking hour. Damn this is horrible..

 

[ParamitePie]

Several times a day, and I get intrusive compulsions to kill myself on occasion. When I'm cooking, I'll pick up a knife and think I could fall on the blade. When I'm driving, I think how easy it would be to drive into the oncoming lane. I've read and watched enough material on the topic to know what I'll look like when I'm dead, so it tends to be quite vivid.