Does anyone here want to CTB despite not having a permanent mental illness?

[Notabadguy]

I have situational (reactive) depression. It doesn't have to be permanent. I think that my ideation to CTB is more an existential thing. There are a lot of people who suffer from permanent or severe mental illness, I think that your beloved ones eventually can take relieve from that, you are clearly in pain. I know that it's cold what I'm saying but at least they have that. What about the so-called "sane" people? Is there anybody else without permanent or servere mental illness who wants to CTB?

 

[Kumachan]

Same here. Situation sucks for many here if not most, id imagine. Have you tried therapy/meds for your reactive depression?(is it even possible?)

 

[watereyes]

Depends on what you'd call a mental illness. If I ctb I would be labelled as suffering from depression or whatnot. I'm not. Suicide is a choice. Pro-lifers put labels on us (something something personality disorder and the like) because we are not the norm: their norm. Humans are scared of difference. So they try to push it away.

 

[Notabadguy]

Same here. Situation sucks for many here if not most, id imagine. Have you tried therapy/meds for your reactive depression?(is it even possible?)

Yes, of course. I went to the shrink and to psychothearapy, and it works to some extent. I strongly advise everybody to seek professional help. But still the actual situation persists, and it has consequences not unbearable, but I feel at a dead-end. I know I'm not severely ill, only midly and the prognosis is that it's transient. But I still want to CTB, I feel selfish because of that, specially when there are lot of peopel with severe and permanent mental illness.

 

[esben350]

It depends on what you call "a permanent mental illness" indeed.

Some people are so mentally sick they think aliens are following them and they shit on themselves everyday.

Others just feel depressed etc.

There's a huge difference between the two. This is why mental illness is such a taboo topic in the assisted suicide world.

 

[Notabadguy]

It depends on what you call "a permanent mental illness" indeed.

Some people are so mentally sick they think aliens are following them and they shit on themselves everyday.

Others just feel depressed etc.

There's a huge difference between the two. This is why mental illness is such a taboo topic in the assisted suicide world.

Chronic depression is a permanent mental illness, I'm sure that it's difficult to handle, particularly if you don't have a strong social support. Mine is transient, at least that is the prognosis.

I know that people with permanent or severe mental illness have a reason to think about getting away. It's not my case, and I still want to CTB. That is the reason of this thread, to know if there are more people who, like me, want to CTB despite not having permanent or severe mental illness.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

You can have both. A pre-existing depressive tendency that is well managed can spiral out of control due to an intolerable situation and result in an awful emotional state. The two states are not mutually exclusive, though good luck finding a psych that can understand this.

 

[Kumachan]

definitely, i dont have a permanent ilness, just a dead end situation, like you said.

 

[Marktheghost]

Yep. My main reason for wanting to die is loneliness.

 

[William Barker]

There remains nothing good in my life anymore, so what's the point?

I'm only still here because it's always something.

Something either changes my mind last minute, or my father is up unusually late, or i'm just too tired to go through the procedure properly.

If I had a gun, I'd be gone already.

 

[Notabadguy]

Yep. My main reason for wanting to die is loneliness.

I know it's cold, but loniless can sometimes be a great companion. But I recognize that I'd be even worse if I didn't have my beloved ones. A strong social support is important to overcome the eventual hardships of life. But sometimes you can adapt. I have erectil disfunction and I adapted, I'm not depressed because of that and it has nothing to do with me wanting to CTB.

 

[StuckAF]

Me. People say it MIGHT go away in the future, but this can take 20 years. So no, let me go now.

 

[gus.nixon]

Bottom line is it's my life and I can do with it anything I want to. I don't need a reason for chosing to die. Even if I had a reason, I'm sure it wouldn't be good enough for the majority of people anyway.

 

[AcornUnderground]

Man, I wish I wanted to die. My life is really, really bad - hell on Earth actually - and I love this world and the people in it. I don't know how to leave and it's torturing me!

 

[angxlicc]

To be honest, I'm just sick of this world and the evil that deeply resides inside it. Leaving this earth for good is a nice thought.

 

[MAIO]

I have situational (reactive) depression. It doesn't have to be permanent. I think that my ideation to CTB is more an existential thing. There are a lot of people who suffer from permanent or severe mental illness, I think that your beloved ones eventually can take relieve from that, you are clearly in pain. I know that it's cold what I'm saying but at least they have that. What about the so-called "sane" people? Is there anybody else without permanent or servere mental illness who wants to CTB?

There are tons of people who CTB without any mental illnesses and the field of psychology has acknowledged that fact since the beginning. People are so against suicide, because it goes against the notion that is drilled into us since we are children -life is a precious gift and death is a terrible tragedy. In other words, Suicide a rejection of hardcore group think. This underlying group think on death, is so powerful that it's evidently part of the reason many religions formed. The problem isn't that your dead it's that you clearly choose to die. For instance, if I die from smoking or something reckless it's not viewed as nearly as damaging and people move on far faster. The problem is I choose to die. your choice is wrong because it goes against hardcore group think etc.

 

[I screwed up]

I want to ctb not bcoz of any mental illness but the life situation I am in. Thinking of what could have been and how I screwed it all up is making me want to ctb. Its all my fault and I don't want to continue... Any one else feel the same pain ??

 

[SpareWheel]

I don't think I've got a mental illness, I've suffered depression here and there, but never to a massive extent, it never affected me in a profound way like I've seen it do to others. If you knew me in real life you'd likely think I'm a well adjusted 'normal' bloke that's just a bit grumpy sometimes, if there is such a thing as normal anyway. I met a girl on a date once, years and years ago and despite me being all happy and in impress mode she said I had a sadness in my eyes, I guess that's a good explanation - even when I'm fine to the outside world, inside there's something wrong and always has been.

I've just had so many knocks, each one gradually worse so that I've just had enough now. I've had suicidal tendencies for a long time, even when I was relatively content and had a lot going for me, and even then I wondered why I couldn't be happy when I should be happy, like is everyone like it and hiding it the way I'd been doing or do some people genuinely feel happy? It'll sound glib but I just find life a real chore, it bores me, I don't like most people, I've never felt like I belong in this world. If that makes any sense to anyone.

I'm sure a psychologist would love to give me a label though, they'd feel they'd failed if they couldn't spot some tendency in me. Most likely bipolar as I have days when I'm an arse to be around, and some when I'm a lovey dovey hearts and Unicorns person.

 

[woxihuanni]

It s the lack of a bunch if things that made me acquire my SN kit, and losing what little remains will force me to drink it. However, I absolutely don't want to have to die. I enjoy what pleasures I can, such as cooking complicated meals.

When I have to die, I think the kitchen would miss me if kitchens could miss. Humans will forget in a day.

 

[Whale_bones]

I have permanent, lifelong and incurable mental illnesses and my death is not any more acceptable than those without. In the massive majority of countries, society judges suicide as severely wrong unless it fits very strict parameters of physical illness that will cause death in a short time anyways. I have lifelong physical illnesses too which cause physical pain but not death, and again, that's not enough for society to judge me any less harshly.

People don't want to think about horrors they haven't experienced, and their main information about suicide comes from stigma like "they were confused" "they were entitled and selfish" "they didn't think about what they were doing". The truth is that suicide is an extremely personal event and different people have extremely different reasons for undergoing it. Very, very few fit the stigma that society has and many include horrors that those who judge it couldn't even begin to imagine. I hope society will one day get to a place where suicide is represented more factually, but I think it will be many years before that happens.

 

[mote]

Me. I don't have any diagnosed illness of any sort. Mental or otherwise. I just wasn't lucky in life and I'm tired of competing. Tired of shame and the labyrinth of bureaucracy I've trapped myself in.

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

I want to ctb not bcoz of any mental illness but the life situation I am in. Thinking of what could have been and how I screwed it all up is making me want to ctb. Its all my fault and I don't want to continue... Any one else feel the same pain ??

I am in the same boat

 

[Despondent]

Same here!! I've been diagnosed recently with mild symptoms and they think that by three years it'll be treated

Long before I was on this site, many years ago, I knew that I didn't want to be here. For me I think it's mostly the existential piece

 

[Altvtysp]

I've been diagnosed with Bipolar 2, depression and anxiety. In the years I've been in psychiatry I've learned it's full of horseshit so any diagnosis they give is whatever. I started disagreeing with the BP2 diagnosis years after they slapped that label on me. As for depression and anxiety? Name me anyone who isn't those two things and I'd suggest they could be a serial killer or something. So I guess I'm justified in wanting to kill myself because I have "severe mental illness" but I don't believe I'm any different than anyone else on this planet I might express myself in a colorful way and have extreme thoughts about how to "get by" but I think people who aren't suicidal are the ones everyone else should be concerned about. At least those of us who want to CTB are simply more honest about our feelings.

 

[FuneralCry]

My reason for ctb isn't 'mental illness'. I wish to die as I view life as not being worth living in every single way, it's a rational response to seeing life for what it really is. I personally despise life and see no value in enduring endless problems and suffering, just to eventually deteriorate from old age. I believe that wanting suicide is more rational than choosing to stay here as any human could end up in the worst pain ever at any moment and I believe that as time goes on life just gets worse. There is nothing appealing about having to exist, life is so useless and tiring and I'm tired of being trapped in this human body that tortures us in so many ways. Life is simply not for everyone and feeling this way is not irrational, it could never be. There is no value to suffering, I wish for peaceful nonexistence with not even the awareness that I'm dead.

 

[Jadzia]

I am depressed but that's not why I want to CTB. I
My reason is because of very severe chronic illness. That's also why I'm depressed.

 

[Altvtysp]

My reason for ctb isn't 'mental illness'. I wish to die as I view life as not being worth living in every single way, it's a rational response to seeing life for what it really is. I personally despise life and see no value in enduring endless problems and suffering, just to eventually deteriorate from old age. I believe that wanting suicide is more rational than choosing to stay here as any human could end up in the worst pain ever at any moment and I believe that as time goes on life just gets worse. There is nothing appealing about having to exist, life is so useless and tiring and I'm tired of being trapped in this human body that tortures us in so many ways. Life is simply not for everyone and feeling this way is not irrational, it could never be. There is no value to suffering, I wish for peaceful nonexistence with not even the awareness that I'm dead.

My reasons for CTB are numerous but what I don't list is my psychological state. This world is full of suffering and is incredibly unfair. Our society is beyond ridiculous and I'd rather not to participate in it's self destruction or have to endure its disintegration. Getting older is a big part of it. I don't have any major health issues but it's only going to get much worse with time. I am going to lose my private health coverage at the end of the month and was kicked off the state's plan but regardless our health care system is atrocious. I honestly believe that our reality is random and chaotic so it's a roll of the dice everything that happens to us. I tried really hard to believe in a "God" but could never accept that a omnipotent being would have created this nightmare of a world so the only thing that makes sense to me is that "God" never existed. The only rational reaction to our awful existence is to want to leave. The only thing that delays me exiting is figuring out a decent way to do it. We have control over our own lives so I'm asserting it by wanting to CTB and will no longer be a victim to circumstances.

 

[plan c]

Some say bipolar is a permanent condition, while I say different...
The permanent condition is that we're inevitably miserable, the inability to break free from fate.
We die of such inability eventually. Dying of old age or catching the bus, these are in principle the same.
------
Being "miserable" is not an illness. It's a fact.
While I am just a John Doe as miserable as all others

 

[Altvtysp]

Some say bipolar is a permanent condition, while I say different...
The permanent condition is that we're inevitably miserable, the inability to break free from fate.
We die of such inability eventually. Dying of old age or catching the bus, these are in principle the same.
------
Being "miserable" is not an illness. It's a fact.
While I am just a John Doe as miserable as all others

The permanent condition as Buddhists would say is life is suffering. There is no avoiding this fact about reality. My experience with psychiatrists and being labeled bipolar is that these doctors say a lot of stuff but the entire field of psychiatry is a poorly executed guessing game for diagnosises and then pushing ineffective meds to "fix" or "treat" what they think is going on.

I was labeled bipolar because it was the typical thing for this hospital to do to most of the patients. I was there for alcohol detox and that's where I first received a psych diagnosis as an adult and walked out of there on like 5 or 6 psych meds. They convinced me that I just had to find the right psych drug cocktail and that my personal issues would disappear. That I was "broken" with a "chemical imbalance" and could not function well without them.

That was 12 years ago and since then discovered that the diagnosis and the meds were neither going to make me better. I have spent a lot of time researching manic depression and all the other diagnosises. I don't get manic or hypo manic unless I am on a strong stimulant and while I've had depression at varying degrees my entire life I don't rapidly cycle between highs and lows as described for BP. I stopped calling myself bipolar a couple of years ago.

Besides the scam that the DSM (psychiatrist diagnosis book) is psych meds are even a bigger one. I've been on a bunch of different cocktails over the years so I understand what their effects are. I honestly believe that for most who gain any "benefit" it's a placebo effect that's doing it. Sure the various meds certainly have some psychological effects but for the vast majority it's the act of going to a doctor and then taking a drug for their "illness" that helps them not the actual meds themselves.

If you look at studies on most psych meds they either have non-existant efficiency like all SSRIs/SNRIs or like with anti-psychotics they work because they dope the person enough that they can't engage in their troublesome behavior. All psych drugs have awful side effects. I've accepted that I'm "mentally ill" as our sick society defines it but I would be concerned if I was declared well by the same system. I no longer feel compelled to take harmful medications with terrible side effects.

 

[Lifeaballache]

I woudnt say I have a mental illness but I swear I have undiagnosed ADHD which has caused no end of problems for me.