Does anyone else..

[2020wanderlust]

Does anyone else pretend to be completely normal? It feels like I'm playing the part of someone else and when I'm alone my mind unravels completely.

My partner knows but he does not understand so I no longer confide. He sleeps whilst I am almost shaking with panic.

Tonight after I came home from work my chest is burning, this pandemic - lockdown is worsening everything and it feels like I have no escape. I have no means to and I desperately want peace and someone who knows how painful this is.

I think I need to get some sleep

 

[painoflife]

Yes the easiest and most socially accepted thing to do is act normal It stops people asking questions and generally makes life easier, for them. For us it feels like we have to act like that despite it making our life harder and reinforcing the idea that we aren't accepted for who we are.
It SHOULDN'T be like this.
For me it is hard to decide whether it is for my benefit or theirs. Am I making my life easier or making them more comfortable? Either way I still feel the need to do it and then hate myself for really being nothing like that person.
I wouldn't say it's a flaw because it seems like it is what's expected of people.

 

[2020wanderlust]

This answer calmed me, thank you..

 

[patheticpartner]

I always envied people who were, as I call, "high-functioning suicidal people." I saw a Reddit post by a woman who was in her 40s and outwardly "successful" in all aspects of her life, but she constantly has had suicidal thoughts for as long as she could remember, and always plays with the idea of shooting herself with her husband's handgun. I wish I could live successfully despite my suicidal thoughts and urges.

 

[Zoya]

I personally believe that I must sleep for all eternity. There are days when even existence itself is unbearable and you think: how good to be like many who know how to carry all their garbage, or rather their life calmly. I understand how you feel and from a remote place I hope you can find peace.❤

Does anyone else pretend to be completely normal? It feels like I'm playing the part of someone else and when I'm alone my mind unravels completely.

My partner knows but he does not understand so I no longer confide. He sleeps whilst I am almost shaking with panic.

Tonight after I came home from work my chest is burning, this pandemic - lockdown is worsening everything and it feels like I have no escape. I have no means to and I desperately want peace and someone who knows how painful this is.

I think I need to get some sleep

 

[SuicidallyCurious]

It's impossible for me to do this , I can't. I try to avoid others

 

[Varstraben]

In public it's required to act like a normal person, otherwise can be send to psych or mocked. That why I avoid other too when I can.

 

[slipintothetragedy]

Yeah. I feel like I'm living a double life. I get good grades, can hold a job, people in my life would probably describe me as generally bubbly, but in reality I'm a mess. I can barely hold myself together. I'm just better at hiding it than some.

 

[WornOutLife]

Yes, I pretend to be normal at work and I used to pretend a lot in order to meet girls and have friends but got fed up with it.

 

[theunderdog]

I completely relate to this. I run two businesses and have become a world class actor. I spend most of my life fake smiling and when I get home I'm exhausted and my mood drops and the thoughts of ctb get stronger.. I do crazy things like book appointments for months away, sign up to contracts, all when I'm thinking what's the point. My feeling are becoming harder to ignore.

 

[FuneralCry]

Yes, other people do know that I struggle with my physical problems, but I do not tell anyone about wanting to ctb and things like that. To others, I seem to be okay generally. Nobody can do anything to help really and they would never leave me alone otherwise. I wish I could fall into an eternal sleep.