I used to have one (in my creative career) but, it's just lost a lot of its appeal. Which brings it's own problems really because, I still need to do it. Or rather, it's my better option while I'm alive. But, it requires huge amounts of commitment, huge amounts of motivation and energy. All three of which, I'm struggling with. So, it's like being in a marathon you know you have to try and finish with injuries and, nothing left in the tank.
The main thing keeping me going is that I don't feel I can CTB while my Dad is still alive. So, quiting now doesn't feel like an option. I suppose I should be grateful that I still hate to fail or, let people down so- that forces me to do my best. Plus, the memory of what the alternative to this is like (doing more wage slave jobs) pretty much horrifies me. It's basically fear and obligation making me limp on but that also fosters resentment.