Venting Does anyone else feel like they’re being dramatic about how much their trauma impacted them?

[thelostautistic]

I know the title of this post maybe seem stupid because of course trauma impacts people deeply. But sometimes I feel like I'm being dramatic about how much my past impacts me today. I don't want to go into the details of everything that's happened. But I just ashamed about the fact that I can't move on from the past. I feel like I'm the broken sibling or the damaged one. I spend everyday metaphorically fighting for my life when I'd rather not be here. I fight the urges to harm myself and drink alcohol daily because that's how I cope. I gave into the cravings to drink today because I couldn't fight it any longer. I'll probably regret posting this tomorrow but it's whatever.

Sometimes I think was it all really that bad? And then I remember the how I feel sick when doors slam and cry when voices are raised. I avoid everything that could possibly trigger me so I end up isolated. I have nightmares and relive memories from years ago because I can't get them out my head. I feel unsafe all the time even though I am physically safe now. I feel like my mind is stuck in my childhood and I can't move on. Growing up I felt more mature for my age. In fact I was praised for being that way. Now I feel like a scared child in an adults body and I can't navigate that. I just feel like I'm never going to overcome my past. I don't live I just exist. It's like I'm waiting for my suicide because I don't have a future planned. I'm sorry I don't know what the point of this post is. I'm drunk and sad and have nobody to talk to. Only the people here get it.

 

[FluffIsJustice]

Do you also get comments from others like 'you should be over it by now'? And that it wasn't that bad, others have had it worse?

 

[thelostautistic]

Do you also get comments from others like 'you should be over it by now'? And that it wasn't that bad, others have had it worse?

Yes on occasion. I've had people downplay things which feels very invalidating. It makes me feel like I'm going mad. I've also had people say things like "you're doing well now" which is laughable really because it's not true.

 

[FluffIsJustice]

But to answer the thread title / question: I guess yeah. I haven't thought all that much about it but it has happened. Though it is way more common to be called dramatic by others for it than to think that way myself, I guess it is in part because what happened to me isn't considered to be all that bad (and my behavior stemming from the consequences doesn't actually bother me all that much, like for example, I can't go to parties alone in case of panic attacks. But I don't want to go to parties anyway, so who cares? I also can't drink anything with coffeine in it (it depends on the situation, at home it's okay, otherwise it's better to steer clear), like coffee, but I don't like the taste anyway. Gotta be careful about accidentally drinking something though even if there isn't much in it (its because of the interaction with my issues, coffeine can really make that little difference between can still handle it and actually getting a panic attack)).

If it is of any comfort to you, it is normal to still be so affected when it clearly influences your present and causes issues. Just like I said as an answer back then, how could I leave it in the past if the consequences still affect me this much today? Today isn't the past, it's the present. As long as these consequences remain, I won't be able to 'just get over it'.

 

[thelostautistic]

If it is of any comfort to you, it is normal to still be so affected when it clearly influences your present and causes issues. Just like I said as an answer back then, how could I leave it in the past if the consequences still affect me this much today? Today isn't the past, it's the present. As long as these consequences remain, I won't be able to 'just get over it'.

Thank you for responding. I really appreciate it. I'm sorry you have to deal with panic attacks. They're so horrible.