Venting Does anyone else feel like they'll be suicidal forever?

[3dogsinatrenchcoat]

I'm starting to suspect a life I'm satisfied with is imposible to achieve
idk, like if there where 0 obstacles to my happiness and wellbeing, I'd still find something to be depressed about

 

[Hollowman]

Yes. I've had on off suicidal thoughts since I was twelve. That was almost forty years ago. Wish I would've went through with my plan when I was a kid.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I've had some degree of ideation for 36 years- so, I can't see it changing. I have no energy left to try and change my life now too. No desire even to chase former dreams. The only thing that comforts me now is to reasaure myself that I only need to tread water- till I'm able to go. (I'm trying to hold on until my Dad goes first.) But, ideation is also a form of comfort for me. A hopeful escape from a miserable and unwanted life. I'm not sure I could even cope with living if I felt like there wasn't a way out of it.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'll certainly always and only wish to permanently cease existing as long as I'm burdened with this torturous, cruel existence, nothing would ever make me wish for any of this, all I want is to permanently cease existing but of course I wish I never suffered more than anything, I find it so deeply undesirable to exist and I'd never wish to be conscious of anything at all.

 

[killawithme]

I'm starting to suspect a life I'm satisfied with is imposible to achieve
idk, like if there where 0 obstacles to my happiness and wellbeing, I'd still find something to be depressed about

I think this is just how some humans are made including me.

 

[Echo]

Well it's been about 25 years on and off I've had suicidal ideation and I dont see that changing anytime soon. Unless theres a complete overhaul of life but I doubt it

 

[thelostautistic]

Yes. I think I'll always be this way.

 

[Bishop]

Since I can't predict the future my answer would be no. But it can be yes since the future is unpredictable.

 

[Bunabelldearest]

I'd say yes, I've been like this since I was 9 so the idea of not wanting to feels foreign, I've accepted it and getting better feels fruitless. So its less of a 'feeling' and more of I know I'll be suicidal until the day I CTB

 

[MelancholyMagic]

No, eventually I will die.

 

[Tomorrow Is Today]

My idealised life is a pipe dream and I just go through the same old painful day every time, thanks to bad decisions on my part. Any chance of improving was already self-sabotaged. So yes, it's this way forever until I manage to catch that elusive bus.

 

[outrider567]

Forever doesn't seem very long away

 

[StarryEyed]

Add me to the list of chronically suicidal, for about 30 years now. So my brain is now hardwired to think about suicide. I wish I could come to peace with being suicidal, which is why I joined this forum 2 years ago. I've had a shit life of suffering trauma after trauma. I'm actually writing my second autobiography about my suffering. For real. Lol! I'm just buried alive in suffering. And, yeah, maybe I'm wired for suicidal thinking from the start. Who knows? At the very least I've got this place to come to where people accept this part of me. That's comforting. Very comforting. I hope others find comfort here.

 

[dyingisanart]

Yes, I totally feel this way. I don't even know if I want it to stop tbh, I've been thinking about this for so long it brings me comfort.

 

[Mrs. T-800]

I am 26
I am suicidal since age 12 or so
I just accept a) I will always feel this way and b) I will never actually do it
To exist I must feel sad and in order to feel sad I must exist
I don't know life without some deep down sadness, pain and agony, that is part of me
It come from a lot of places but it is a base element of who I am

 

[ikiruNObungaku]

I certainly feel like this is an everlasting feeling. It will never go away. Even if I someone continue living life for the long-term, I understand that I will never not stop feeling suicidal. This is going to stick with me and many others forever.

Depression for me never comes when something is wrong, it usually comes when everything feels right. That is why I accept this.

 

[vitbar]

It comes and goes for me, so I know it wont go on forever, but also doubt I'll ever totally see the back of it.

 

[volo]

I'm afraid so, yes…. Unless my health magically improves, which is Very Highly unlikely.

 

[Archness]

Yes. I wouldn't say I'm "Inherently Suicidal" like most. I'm more-or-less fundamentally "defective" due to being an autist. Ofc not everyone diagnosed with autism is doomed like me, but although I'm at least intelligent, with my experience I know I have some rather fundamental and hard neurological deficits.

Being lonely and passively suididal due to this is simply the logical outcome of my nature. It's effectively impossible to fix the real cause of these feelings, only managing the symptoms.