Does anyone else feel different? Like REALLY damn different?

[nothingchanges]

I've had a suspicion for a while that I have either autism or a tbi. I've had friends and partners or whatever but I've never quite jived the same way everyone else does. It's like everyone's in a choreographed dance that I don't know the moves to and it terrifies me that I might seem really strange to others but not be able to perceive it myself. and of course I can't afford to objectively find out bc an autism diagnosis is like $2000 where I live. This is probably the number one reason I want to die and just wanted to see if anyone else has experienced anything similar.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

Permanent feelings of alienation accompanied by the necessity of masquerading as an actor- whilst everyone else always seems to know the life script by heart- are definitely the crux of my struggles with autism.

I would not be surprised if you were on the spectrum. There are quite a few useful questionnaires and tools online that are identical to what they will give you at the psychologist's, if you're curious and wanting to know more about how you'd go about getting a diagnosis for official records.

There are a sizable number of autistic people on this forum. Once again, not really a surprise considering the nature of our condition. Our entire perception of the world around us is fundamentally different compared to a neurotypical experience. Especially if you have bothersome sensory issues and heightened sensitivities.

A lot of people who are higher functioning seem to get by faking it till they make it, that is, embracing their atypical traits and weirdness until the act inspires a sort of confidence. For people who have noticeable speech issues, like I do, that is not so feasible.

I wish I had any sage wisdom or solutions for you, but all I can say is that it takes an extraordinary amount of resilience for you to keep up the song and dance amidst being ostracised and knowing deep down that you don't quite fit in with the collective.

 

[FuneralCry]

I have had autism my whole life, (I got diagnosed very young) and it is probably why I have always struggled in life really as this world is made for neurotypical people. I have always felt disconnected to others, had problems communicating and have had sound sensitivity. I wish you well, I know this life can certainly be exhausting.

 

[nothingchanges]

Permanent feelings of alienation accompanied by the necessity of masquerading as an actor- whilst everyone else always seems to know the life script by heart- are definitely the crux of my struggles with autism.

I would not be surprised if you were on the spectrum. There are quite a few useful questionnaires and tools online that are identical to what they will give you at the psychologist's, if you're curious and wanting to know more about how you'd go about getting a diagnosis for official records.

There are a sizable number of autistic people on this forum. Once again, not really a surprise considering the nature of our condition. Our entire perception of the world around us is fundamentally different compared to a neurotypical experience. Especially if you have bothersome sensory issues and heightened sensitivities.

A lot of people who are higher functioning seem to get by faking it till they make it, that is, embracing their atypical traits and weirdness until the act inspires a sort of confidence. For people who have noticeable speech issues, like I do, that is not so feasible.

I wish I had any sage wisdom or solutions for you, but all I can say is that it takes an extraordinary amount of resilience for you to keep up the song and dance amidst being ostracised and knowing deep down that you don't quite fit in with the collective.

this was really helpful. thanks for being open about it, i relate to so much of what you said

I have had autism my whole life, (I got diagnosed very young) and it is probably why I have always struggled in life really as this world is made for neurotypical people. I have always felt disconnected to others, had problems communicating and have had sound sensitivity. I wish you well, I know this life can certainly be exhausting.

i've often thought about how unfair our system is to people with autism. even just how people judge/perceive autism and autistic ppl is so unfair

 

[theunderdog]

I've never been tested but expect I'm on the spectrum. I'm quite high functioning but suffer from imposter syndrome. I feel like an Alien desperate to leave this planet. I'm exhausted constantly trying to be the person I think people want me to be. You can always DM if you want an ear.

 

[Whole-Ad]

I was recently diagnosed with Autism and it really gave me an answer to why I am the way I am. All throughout school I felt like the odd one out of my friendship groups. No idea what exactly made me the odd one out, but I was.

Sometimes I even think that I'm not meant to be here at all. Like I just don't fit into this world. I struggle with socialisation, even online I find it hard to participate in conversations and I believe that's partly due to being anxious, but also because I'm aware that I view things differently to other people and that makes me seem weird sometimes.

I do currently have a boyfriend and we're happy together. I don't really like him touching me, but I let him anyways because I don't want to hurt his feelings and that's what other couples do anyways. But I've kind of realised that the way I see love, I don't think it's the same way other people see love.

It is one of the reasons I want to ctb. Mainly because I know there is no cure or even any medication that can really help. I will be like this forever and I don't know if I can handle that.

Also not to mention the fact that daily life is so draining. Talking and interacting with people takes a huge chunk of my energy - and I don't even do it very well! One of my biggest concerns at the moment is that I'm stuck in my current job because I can't stand interviews. I can't put myself through the stress of another one and therefore I'm stuck working my current job for the rest of my life, which trust me, at this rate won't be long.

 

[nothingchanges]

I was recently diagnosed with Autism and it really gave me an answer to why I am the way I am. All throughout school I felt like the odd one out of my friendship groups. No idea what exactly made me the odd one out, but I was.

Sometimes I even think that I'm not meant to be here at all. Like I just don't fit into this world. I struggle with socialisation, even online I find it hard to participate in conversations and I believe that's partly due to being anxious, but also because I'm aware that I view things differently to other people and that makes me seem weird sometimes.

I do currently have a boyfriend and we're happy together. I don't really like him touching me, but I let him anyways because I don't want to hurt his feelings and that's what other couples do anyways. But I've kind of realised that the way I see love, I don't think it's the same way other people see love.

It is one of the reasons I want to ctb. Mainly because I know there is no cure or even any medication that can really help. I will be like this forever and I don't know if I can handle that.

Also not to mention the fact that daily life is so draining. Talking and interacting with people takes a huge chunk of my energy - and I don't even do it very well! One of my biggest concerns at the moment is that I'm stuck in my current job because I can't stand interviews. I can't put myself through the stress of another one and therefore I'm stuck working my current job for the rest of my life, which trust me, at this rate won't be long.

it's so draining. i have no energy anymore bc i spend all my time worrying and trying to fit in and seem normal. hope you well, thanks for responding

I've never been tested but expect I'm on the spectrum. I'm quite high functioning but suffer from imposter syndrome. I feel like an Alien desperate to leave this planet. I'm exhausted constantly trying to be the person I think people want me to be. You can always DM if you want an ear.

I appreciate that. hopefully someday we can find the world all of us aliens belong in.

 

[Simba]

Yes ,i was also diagnosed with autism ,PDD-NOS to be exact at 11 or 12 ,then depression at 12th grade or was depressive episode idk that was 2015-16 ,also have food problems i dont really eat solid food it all gotta be mushed.. when i usetoo go to social group there was some party for whole social groups from whole country n 1 person from social group i was in say you eat pizza cause they had pizzas there so i said no i dont eat those stuff i eat mush food etc so she said yuck i dont understand you etc .. so yeah i feel more different than your "regular" autistic person cause for most dont even want hear bout depression n suicide or they be like say its not apropriate or not the forum or that im hurting others or is like stressing people or whatever n not respectful n such ,people with autism and people with different dissabilities said that to me . Sorry you feel the way you feel :(

 

[Grumpy Bear]

I asked my therapist if she thinks I may be autistic or on the spectrum and she said no without even doing an evaluation. I also never was truthful about some red flags such as never had a romantic relationship at the age of 31. I always figure out that a woman is interested in me after it's too late. I lose friends shortly after making a bond with them. I'm also obsessive about things and have an IQ higher than my SQ.

 

[toforigivelife]

Yes, we know how you feel. You're not alone. I and everyone else are so sorry for your pain and loneliness.

 

[bunnies]

not on the spectrum but to answer your question "does anyone feel different— really different?" absolutely. i feel like an alien. i feel like a person who for whatever reason was dropped into a place they don't belong, but it also feels like i don't belong anywhere. i wish everyone looking for a dx some peace. i am in my early 30s and i firmly believe there are many undiagnosed adults on the spectrum.. i just think it was less recognizable in decades past.

 

[demuic]

Yes, although I don't think I'm autistic (my brother is, though). I relate more to most of the symptoms of ADHD though I haven't been diagnosed. I think my issues come from a combination of my personality, interests, life experiences, and combination of probable adhd, and social anxiety.

I do relate to feeling like an alien. I can't really just point to one thing and be like "this is why everyone thinks I'm a weirdo." I haven't got any easy explanation. I just don't have the same programming as other people.

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

My discomfort and unhappiness is purely situational. I think it's not hard or a real science to get diagnosed with autism. If it makes you feel bad thinking you are autistic try not to label yourself. If you feel better thinking you are autistic then keep thinking you are such. 2000 dollars sounds like a total ripoff for a conversation or two with someone diagnosing. What treatment would you recieve with the diagnosis?

I think this is a common diagnosis for unhappy/unruly/weird/loner kids and adults...ones that struggle socially and have sensory issues. I hate the loud tv, I hate loud noises. Perhaps this is a indicator...but I think everyone has a comfort level to what is considered triggering volume.

I'm in no way trying to discount autism...and being on the spectrum...I'm just trying to convey that personally I would abhor another label...I reread your post: perhaps you don't jibe with others because you are not in a job/career you feel good in, perhaps you don't have hobbies you enjoy, or retained friends from high school (it's hard to make friends in adulthood)...I don't know your circumstances but I think if the diagnosis and treatment doesn't improve things what is the point of getting assessed? This is only my opinion and please feel free to disregard.

I have evolved to being fairly mute. I have nothing good to talk about because I experience nothing worthwhile. I refuse to label myself and have my family think after I go: oh yeah it's because they were....x y z....Idk perhaps this is controversial....talk about autism always seems as such.

 

[down for the count]

I feel like everywhere I go people can see I am different and they are watching me as if they don't trust me. My difference stems from thinking too logically and conceptually. I do things which I don't think of as remotely controversial and observe people looking at me. I think that the effort to make myself like everyone else is not worth it.