Discussion do you think your life has a value? do others think it?

[PeaceSeeker83]

life is worthless, no matter who you are. does making the rich richer and slaving away enough to buy a house and have kids suddenly mean you made a difference? you'll still die and those kids you raised will too and the impact you made on a handful of people will disappear along with it. it's sad but all of it is. all of that to still live better than 90% of humanity. i don't have to fight in a war if i don't want to, don't have to starve or be thirsty. but what difference does it make if my suffering is lesser if suffering is still there. does a gash not hurt because an amputation hurts more? living itself feels wrong and i can only hope this isn't hell and one day i'll be free

I think this has to be hell. And yes it doesn't matter who does what or what they experience, we all suffer to varying degrees. Many people used to say to me "be positive" and nowadays they are suffering. I can't really say I have a lot of empathy for them in all honesty. I save my energy for those who genuinely understand other people's suffering.

 

[oneirataxia]

The way I think of it, I think I'm just unnecessarily stressing myself out by trying to overthink and gauge a nebulous and subjective measurement like my amount of "purpose" or lack thereof. Whether I matter or don't matter is always going to be based off intangibly subjective reasoning and is going to be skewed by my own emotions, or the emotions of others. I already have too much to worry about and enough to feel depressed about and gain no solace nor reassurance from thinking or being told I do or do not matter. I can only worry about my objective circumstances and the way real things are.

Odds are, this existential quandary is a waste of your time and energy, and you are never going to receive or feel happy and fulfilled with any answer. You are only going to make yourself feel more like crap. Try focusing more on either the things you need to do or the things which bring you happiness, the latter irrespective of how much it may or may not "matter." That's the only way to get by.

 

[Somewhat Suicidal]

. It can be particularly tiresome when other parties try to tell me to be unique (e.g. dating apps people say be unique! In a population of 600,000 people. Yeah, nothing anyone does is unique with that many people. Same for dating as a whole. Now that I'm disabled it is especially tiresome because as you said- there will always be someone better- how am I supposed to compete with that? In a population this large I can guarantee there are plenty of men with my personality / traits, but no physical health limitations that impact their daily life. So I just don't bother with dating. Sucks to not have someone in my life- but I maintain my peace of mind by not trying to find someone and deal with constant rejection as I have before).

Being unique is not the issue. Being attractive is. And I can tell you from experience, even as an average looking, average height guy without any physical disability but mental issues it's a postapokalyoptic wasteland... if you happen to have a match, most women don't even reply or its these awful 1 words reply 'conversations', if they do, they just sniff out that something is 'off' about you if you are severely depressed... and mostly you don't get many matches in the first place...

I definitely don't have any worth. That's been shown to me by every single person I've ever known. Either they treat me like shit or I occupy such a nonexistent spot in their life that they won't ever think of me.

I can say without a doubt that I can vanish for months on end, a few times even some years, without anyone even noticing. They all have my numbers and my social media accounts, they know my Adress, some even where I work.
Not one single person came by or wrote even one message during times when I disappeared.

When I then resurface and text first, they all pretend to have been worried. Which... Is a lie. They could have asked easily. If someone is even a little important to you, you ask, you leave a quick: "Hey, haven't heard of you in a while. You good?"

Nothing.

Yeah, relatable as fuck...

 

[TransientEternal]

All living beings are equally worthless. Whether old, young, me, you, saints, devils, rich, poor, or any other reason. None are worth more than the other.

 

[TJT]

Being unique is not the issue. Being attractive is. And I can tell you from experience, even as an average looking, average height guy without any physical disability but mental issues it's a postapokalyoptic wasteland... if you happen to have a match, most women don't even reply or its these awful 1 words reply 'conversations', if they do, they just sniff out that something is 'off' about you if you are severely depressed... and mostly you don't get many matches in the first place...


Yeah, relatable as fuck...

Yeah, when I wasn't disabled similar experience. I learned there are a huge amount of unwritten rules for dating apps to get any actual messages / conversations. However, even then it just isn't worth it. My friend is best friends with a girl who, while a wonderful girl, she even admits that women raise their standards on dating apps. Women get such an influx of men liking them that they end up aggressively filtering them to only the most attractive, successful, wealthy, etc. She said if she met a guy in-person she wouldn't have those level of standards for the man but if she met him on the dating app she would. And I've seen this same thing said by other women on YouTube shorts & online. Stick to in-person. Yeah, it sucks it's hard to find people looking for the same thing as you. But it will work better.

Tho for now I've given up on dating. I have too much on my plate to pursue that. Tho tbh i am starting to suspect I will always have too much to pursue that; that is life. No one ever really figures out all their shit. So ig the goal should be to try to date and juggle your shit? :P

 

[Somewhat Suicidal]

Yeah, when I wasn't disabled similar experience. I learned there are a huge amount of unwritten rules for dating apps to get any actual messages / conversations. However, even then it just isn't worth it. My friend is best friends with a girl who, while a wonderful girl, she even admits that women raise their standards on dating apps. Women get such an influx of men liking them that they end up aggressively filtering them to only the most attractive, successful, wealthy, etc. She said if she met a guy in-person she wouldn't have those level of standards for the man but if she met him on the dating app she would. And I've seen this same thing said by other women on YouTube shorts & online. Stick to in-person. Yeah, it sucks it's hard to find people looking for the same thing as you. But it will work better.

Tho for now I've given up on dating. I have too much on my plate to pursue that. Tho tbh i am starting to suspect I will always have too much to pursue that; that is life. No one ever really figures out all their shit. So ig the goal should be to try to date and juggle your shit? :P

I have given up for years at this point. My romantic relationships always ended on the women's terms and I'm not willing to add more hurt at this point. It's not like I wouldn't crave love an affection deeply, I do, but for someone like me the chances are just pretty bad as you pointed out. Even in person. No woman wants a guy in his mid 30s who has major depression, ADHD and a bunch of other personality disorders – that at times make me probably hard to swallow – and has fucked up their life. And I can't be assed anymore to offer myself up just to be either rejected straightaway or replaced a little later. One of the major reasons I want to CTB is not being able to stand how dating and 'love' seems to work out for men these days unless you are a top performer and being hurt just too many times at this point. I'm just broken at this point. I don't want to be optional and disposable anymore, while they have seemingly infinite options, I'd rather dispose of my self at that point and embrace nothingness so I don't have to feel this shit anymore day in and day out. I neither don't want to have to watch all those people that got luckier or better than I did in every realm of life including this one the rest of my pathetic life. It's just too much hurt to bear for me.

I don't even have anything on my plate anymore, I'm just existing as a dysfunctional being that gets nothing done at this point... I have another round of treatment coming up and if it goes according ti plan I might be hospitalised in mental institutions for up 2 years, but my hopes aren't high that this will turn things around in a way that it ends up being enjoyable. Also I will be 36+ by that time so all the good years that normal people spend building a career, friendships and relationships and finding partners is pretty much over at this point anyway. We will see, but most likely I will just CTB earlier than all that because it's just too much work and effort for me as exhausted I am and all that for a big fat MAYBE things will improve enough – which isn't even particularly likely. It's just an uphill battle I'm not really willing to fight at this point, I've tried for so a decade now and nothing worked. I'm beyond exhausted.

 

[TJT]

I have given up for years at this point. My romantic relationships always ended on the women's terms and I'm not willing to add more hurt at this point. It's not like I wouldn't crave love an affection deeply, I do, but for someone like me the chances are just pretty bad as you pointed out. Even in person. No woman wants a guy in his mid 30s who has major depression, ADHD and a bunch of other personality disorders – that at times make me probably hard to swallow – and has fucked up their life. And I can't be assed anymore to offer myself up just to be either rejected straightaway or replaced a little later. One of the major reasons I want to CTB is not being able to stand how dating and 'love' seems to work out for men these days unless you are a top performer and being hurt just too many times at this point. I'm just broken at this point. I don't want to be optional and disposable anymore, while they have seemingly infinite options, I'd rather dispose of my self at that point and embrace nothingness so I don't have to feel this shit anymore day in and day out. I neither don't want to have to watch all those people that got luckier or better than I did in every realm of life including this one the rest of my pathetic life. It's just too much hurt to bear for me.

I don't even have anything on my plate anymore, I'm just existing as a dysfunctional being that gets nothing done at this point... I have another round of treatment coming up and if it goes according ti plan I might be hospitalised in mental institutions for up 2 years, but my hopes aren't high that this will turn things around in a way that it ends up being enjoyable. Also I will be 36+ by that time so all the good years that normal people spend building a career, friendships and relationships and finding partners is pretty much over at this point anyway. We will see, but most likely I will just CTB earlier than all that because it's just too much work and effort for me as exhausted I am and all that for a big fat MAYBE things will improve enough – which isn't even particularly likely. It's just an uphill battle I'm not really willing to fight at this point, I've tried for so a decade now and nothing worked. I'm beyond exhausted.

I 100% agree with everything you said.

And while ofc the generalizations don't apply to truly "every" woman, these stereotypes or generalizations always have some truth to them which is why they are formed.

I've heard it said women are valued for who they are while men are valued for what they can provide. Women on dating apps and dating culture seems to confirm this. I want someone who loves me for me, but feels like I only have value to others if they can use me for what I provide. No thanks. No thanks before I had health issues and even worse now that I do.

I have met some girls that don't seem to care about what their man provides, so they are out there. It's just a matter of finding them. Although the older I get the more I notice women wanting to settle down / get married / have kids stereotype. And that is a new kind of tiresome because I don't want & can't afford kids. A study showed 75% of women in the U.S. want kids. So by that study, I already don't match with 75% of women. Now of those remaining 25% I gotta find one that is willing to work with me despite not being able to afford my own bills and having health issues that impact me every single day. ....

I stopped trying to date years ago too. It can be intensely lonely at times, but also, I've felt infinitely more peace / less stress compared to when I was trying to date.

 

[Somewhat Suicidal]

And while ofc the generalizations don't apply to truly "every" woman, these stereotypes or generalizations always have some truth to them which is why they are formed.

Yeah I didn't mean to overgeneralise or anything but it definitely has been my experience for the past 15 years even tho I had a 4 year LTR. But both that and the few situationships I've been in as well as all other attempts at dating and love have always played out to that cliché or whatever you wanna call it.

I've heard it said women are valued for who they are while men are valued for what they can provide. Women on dating apps and dating culture seems to confirm this. I want someone who loves me for me, but feels like I only have value to others if they can use me for what I provide. No thanks. No thanks before I had health issues and even worse now that I do.

There is some truth in that, definitely. I know a different version as well: "Women have to just exist, men have to become" (to be valued, cherished, desired, whatever you wanna call it).
I would be even happy to provide something if the other side would still provide what they used to... loyalty and also being there and staying during the hard times. But all the nice things that are said in wedding vows (although I have never made it to that point) just lost all their meaning. These days it's rather as soon as a problem arises between partners they are gone and entertaining one of the 10+ other options they have readily available while the man doesn't have these options waiting in line... I already described it well enough in my previous comment I think.

I have met some girls that don't seem to care about what their man provides, so they are out there. It's just a matter of finding them.

Sure, they exist, but the good ones tend to be more and more taken as you get older. What gets left are those who entertained endless options and will probably not stop doing that suddenly when they meet you or me. Mental conditioning doesn't change suddenly for no reason. I'm not meaning to restrict women's sexual freedom, but some realities like these are just harsh truths that no one wants to hear anymore these days and if you speak them out loud you are called a misogynist or whatever. My and the experiences of so many others don't lie. That doesn't mean there isn't different ones out there, it just means it's that much harder to find them and and keep them because they are gonna be that much more in demand and desired. Endless options aren't good for anyone as the paradox of choice has proven by now. They spoil people and and in this example women to a point where it just becomes a gamble to commit to any of them. And it's hard enough to find one that you like and that will commit to you in the first place... Some say the juice just ain't worth the squeeze.

Although the older I get the more I notice women wanting to settle down / get married / have kids stereotype. And that is a new kind of tiresome because I don't want & can't afford kids. A study showed 75% of women in the U.S. want kids. So by that study, I already don't match with 75% of women.

Don't think it's 75% these days anymore, rather around 50. Feminism told them that kids equals to giving up their freedom (which is true to some extend, also the so called gender pay gap is almost exclusively a mother pay gap in reality). I'm in Germany, but these things differ not too much apart from it probably being even worse in the US because affording a decent life is even harder there.

I stopped trying to date years ago too. It can be intensely lonely at times, but also, I've felt infinitely more peace / less stress compared to when I was trying to date.

I feel just empty and shit because of it, but I also felt dreadful and shit being rejected or disposed like a piece of trash every time after trying to be a loving partner and not doing anything wrong – while some utterly misogynistic asshole can do whatever the fuck he wants and treat them like complete door mats while having 10x more options and success both regarding having as much sex as he wants whenever he wants and even relationships that he can start and end whenever he desires someone else again. This world is just not made for me it seems.

 

[johndon14]

I am convinced I do not, in fact, I do think quite a lot of people don't have any value, just as me.
I am a complete waste in this capitalistic world, since I have no job and wouldn't be surprised if I never will. why would anyone hire me? there is always going to be someone better than me, smarter, with more experience, with relatives that work there, and such. no entity in this world truly needs of me. if I was never born, the world would be the exact same in the big scheme of things. and that is a great reason why I think I shouldn't have been born. just another waste that gets this world closer to its end by consuming energy and making global warming more of a thing every day.

I don't even have value of taking care of someone who needs me because they are disabled for example. or be of usefulness for my family who has paid everything to me since I was born, things I do not deserve since I didn't put any work towards them like they did. I can't even bring myself to truly trust and like them, how despisable is that.

idk why there is someone who apparently loves me. I have absolutely no value compared to her, idk why she says she likes me.

anyways, you can share your points of view here.

"just another waste that gets this world closer to its end by consuming energy" is pretty much exactly how I feel. i'm not making a difference realistically no matter what I do because I'm just one in 8 billion. it's almost physically impossible for me to do something truly meaningful to humankind because my existence is so tiny in the scheme of everything. other people think i have value i think. my mom loves me, i have a best friend, and when i'm sad and useless they want to help me. i just don't understand why i guess, just like you. it's difficult to see how these 2 people can see positives in me when they're the only ones and when i can't see anything positive in myself.

 

[MissAbyss]

For myself, no. Whether other people see value in me is for them to decide.