I went to my mother's funeral. She and my grandmother were the only people throughout my life that actually loved and cared about me. After they were gone, things got exponentially more difficult for me to stay. I already told my father that I will not be at his funeral because he's a piece of shit. I only ever did any "normie" activities like holidays, funerals, weddings because my mom made me. Since she has passed I no longer celebrate any holidays, I will never attend another funeral, I will never attend another wedding. I will never attend anything with lots of people besides going to the grocery store. I was never ever comfortable doing any of those things. I always felt out of place, that I didn't belong and I just wanted to hide.