Do you still have goals as well as planning to ctb?

[mediocre]

I do. I want to find solutions to my health problems. I want to use my design skills to make a full time living online. I want to buy my own property. I want to learn to drive. I want to make a friend. I want to have pets. I want to travel more. I want to be completely independent and not have to rely on others for help with the most basic everyday things.

But at the same time ctbing is constantly at the back of my mind. I keep telling myself if I don't get help and treatment to improve my health it will be game over.

 

[m2107]

feel you. i do have some goals but my head keeps going back to suicide

 

[mediocre]

feel you. i do have some goals but my head keeps going back to suicide

What goals do you have? do you mind sharing?

 

[m2107]

i want to be a writer. i want to make a friend too. i want to travel more. i want to read a lot of books and listen to a lot of musics. i want to get better at drawing because i suck. and i want to be independent and not rely on others for everything

 

[mediocre]

i want to be a writer. i want to make a friend too. i want to travel more. i want to read a lot of books and listen to a lot of musics. i want to get better at drawing because i suck. and i want to be independent and not rely on others for everything

I forgot to say I'd like to get better at drawing too. I use an iPad. You sound smart of you can write stuff. I can barely put together a sentence...

 

[m2107]

I forgot to say I'd like to get better at drawing too. I use an iPad. You sound smart of you can write stuff. I can barely put together a sentence...

i'm not really smart. i just scribble some poems with things i can't tell anyone. they're my way of venting.

 

[voyager]

Hope you get those things, mediocre. As long as you still have desires and willing to fight for them, not all is lost.

 

[Quinlor]

I feel like my life it's over a two years ago... No goals for me anymore, only pain and regrets.

 

[Squiddy]

My goal is to earn my bachelor's degree and make a video game, but I also want to ctb

 

[BPDbitch]

I wanted to get my degree, and have a family and kids. Unfortunately I don't deserve any of that. Lately my only goal has been to go on a massive bender and hook up with loads of random people, culminating in me ending my shit.

 

[BabyYoda]

Feel like giving up already at this stage and I'm only in my first year of college. I'm tired of the uncertainty when it comes to getting what I want. I don't know I just..........I don't feel like trying anymore. Big goals will only disappoint me and encourage me to CTB much earlier. Yes, I need to go through shit in order to achieve what I want, but I hate that it has to be that way especially when we're in a world where a single rich person has the income of a million poor people. Life isn't just for me.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

My general philosophy on life is this. I will continue to strive to do my best and improve my quality of life as long as I can.

But if quality of life reaches a certain threshold to where it becomes intolerable...well then I have other cards in my deck.

 

[oneside]

Feel like giving up already at this stage and I'm only in my first year of college. I'm tired of the uncertainty when it comes to getting what I want. I don't know I just..........I don't feel like trying anymore. Big goals will only disappoint me and encourage me to CTB much earlier. Yes, I need to go through shit in order to achieve what I want, but I hate that it has to be that way especially when we're in a world where a single rich person has the income of a million poor people. Life isn't just for me.

I have the same feeling. I struggled so much and yet I had nothing but failures. Bigger goals also means bigger downfalls. This life is a mess.

 

[Mr2005]

Finish a fucking playlist that's stolen so many years of my life that it can't possibly be worth it even if it's perfect. But it can't ever be perfect and it has me tearing my hair out. I deserve the royalties from this so I can live the rest of my life in peace

 

[frostedreef]

If you still have goals and dreams, or hopeful for the future then CTB is not for you.

 

[StillWaiting]

I want to be able to draw but can no longer find the energy to get myself to do anything. Just feel empty all the time.

 

[mediocre]

If you still have goals and dreams, or hopeful for the future then CTB is not for you.

My physical health is deteriorating every day. I just want to feel ok so that I can deal with life. I will always have aspergers and social anxiety and other problems. When you're sick you can't do anything but sit around and waste away. So ctb has to be an option if things don't change.

I want to be able to draw but can no longer find the energy to get myself to do anything. Just feel empty all the time.

I was like this a few months ago my anxiety was so bad. I have zero energy every day too and I'm in a lot of pain but somehow I can manage to draw it does help to relax me a little bit and clear my head.

 

[YukiFox]

1. Being fluent in two more languages (French and Mandarin);
2. Finish at least five books. I'm close to finish one about short stories , and the other four are novels;
3. Being married: I really want a husband, or at least a boyfriend to live with him. But at the same time I don't want to break his heart by CTB;
4. Complete my gender transition and live as a transgender woman at least five years.
All that goals/dreams are my counterweight to not CTB, however I don't know if I can afford it.

 

[terry_a_davis]

Get at least a 2:1 degree (i'm nearly 1 year in) and then a decent job.

 

[Goldfinch]

I do. I want to find solutions to my health problems. I want to use my design skills to make a full time living online. I want to buy my own property. I want to learn to drive. I want to make a friend. I want to have pets. I want to travel more. I want to be completely independent and not have to rely on others for help with the most basic everyday things.

But at the same time ctbing is constantly at the back of my mind. I keep telling myself if I don't get help and treatment to improve my health it will be game over.

I have a lot of stuff i d like to do even though I don't plan on being around for it. I'm in the middle of learning a language and it does feel a bit pointless at times but I think you still have to keep up some sense of normality otherwise it's hard to even get up in the mornings . Well , even harder than usual

 

[mediocre]

I have a lot of stuff i d like to do even though I don't plan on being around for it. I'm in the middle of learning a language and it does feel a bit pointless at times but I think you still have to keep up some sense of normality otherwise it's hard to even get up in the mornings . Well , even harder than usual

What language are you learning? I have always wanted to learn Spanish:)

 

[Goldfinch]

What language are you learning? I have always wanted to learn Spanish:)

Dutch . It's not the most common but I had a friend years ago who could speak it and she was always offering to teach me but I always put it off. Not spending enough time with ppl while I had the chance is one of my major regrets so it's why I keep pushing myself to not quit learning it

 

[Quinlor]

I would like to learn Swedish... To move to there.

 

[k75]

I do, but the goals seem to change. Right now, I'm finding my list of life goals is very short. I had an art business I wanted to grow. In another life, I was majoring in Japanese to become a translator. I'm eligible for reconstructive surgery to try to fix damage from a series of botched surgeries. But none of that matters anymore. I give up.

Anhedonia and apathy have been hitting me super hard for months now, and I just don't care. I have a solid method/plan, but I also keep making other plans as if I'm still going to be around to enjoy the outcome. It's contradictory, but it's not a conscious thing. I guess I'm just living until I'm not anymore.

I keep doing home improvements I've always wanted to do. Planning a bathroom remodel, picking out new furniture I want to save up for and buying new stuff. Finally putting up display shelves and hanging pictures on the walls that have been packed up for years. Stuff like that, that shouldn't matter at all. It's a slow process because I don't have much money, but I think the planning is the part I like most anyway. It might be a form of procrastination. I've always done that, my whole life. Detailed plans, little follow through.

Maybe I'm just chasing ways to feel good again. I have this tiny hope I'll somehow override the suicidal feelings and get happy again if I can be content with just one part of my life. Or maybe it's a way to be in control of something tangible?

Each time I do a thing it makes me kind of feel good for a little while, but because it doesn't actually change my situation, I'm still depressed and suicidal. And to be honest, because of that, completing goals kind of makes me feel worse. Maybe that's why I'm always just planning? It's avoiding disappointment. I don't know how this could happen, but I have a tiny fear suicide will end up somehow disappointing me too. It's absurd.

...and that concludes the dumb rambling book nobody asked for. Haha

 

[Despondent]

I plan to ctb before the summer but I'm still holding on to the goal of going to a University that I've dreamed of going to since a little girl and landing a job in neurology or psychology -- I should really give these hopes up. I won't make it haha

Even goals with finishing my courses, getting high marks and such.