do you feel like the universe is telling you to die?

[graceful]

i can't tell if it's telling me to die or specifically not kill myself. i believe in angel numbers and that there may be something or someone out there that's a higher power and can guide people. i keep seeing repeating 2s which is one of my favorite numbers and repeating 2s means "you're on the right path." so what is it? is it me contemplating suicide that's the right choice or contemplating NOT doing it? i see repeating 7s too which mean to have more positive thoughts and that what you think might come true. i mean maybe that's also the universe asking me to keep trying to kill myself. i don't even know what ii mean by "the universe." i just feel like there's something there. one time i asked the universe for a direct sign that i should kill myself. it sounds stupid, but i told myself i'd come back as an orange cat if i were to die and that's just what would happen. that's what i'd choose if i had to come back as an animal. i asked the universe to mention that to me if it was a sign

i later on asked a coworker what he'd come back as if he were to die and come back as an animal. i didn't mention anything about what i would come back as but he literally said an orange cat. i was baffled

 

[Lamentice]

Social interactions in my day-to-day are becoming more hostile/rude & I've joked to myself that I'm being kicked out in the same way you get kicked out by your subconscious in a dream when you become aware of the dream and tell others it's not real. I don't actually believe that though, I just think people suck and are getting rapidly suckier.

 

[Boardwalk]

I've had 4 things happen to me that were so unbelievably improbable that it still makes me question if the universe does tell you things even though I'm agnostic

 

[Michelstaedter]

Honestly, I don't believe it's the universe or signs from "God" to dictate whether or not to do something. One might want to see signs where there are none, like clouds that resemble shapes and that one chooses to interpret. The brain is very good at adapting its perceptions to something familiar; in short, the brain is very deceptive. This is evident in people who have high or low self-esteem—it's a perception, when in reality our worth isn't determined by something trivial.

Personally, I've seen my life spiral downward, and this translates to a lack of interest in things that once captivated me. If I used to long for a girlfriend (for the first time) and get excited about it, and even sex boosted my motivation to achieve that goal, today I'm no longer interested. The same goes for watching anime series, playing video games, or any other activity that used to generate excitement for me.

Life, for me, has gone from being like a video game that starts out interesting, you get results, maybe even achieve things you initially wanted, but then it becomes boring, pointless. You've played it, replayed it, and there's nothing left to do. My life is the same way.

 

[vhjfjdrt]

Yeah, somehow after I got out of the hospital 8 months ago my life is now the worst it's ever been. I was supposed to be recovering but It's like the universe is telling me that I really should succeed with ctb (Not sure if I believe this but it definitely feels this way). Kinda unfair considering how hard it is to do so, but I feel like I'm just being tortured atp. Like why can't I just be killed or something.

 

[Bishop]

No. Wanting to exit or stay is purely one's own choice. No one decides for you and no one can do it for you.

 

[yearned]

i dont think the universe sends anyone signs, but i think it's likely when you're socially isolated to interpret things as signs. i think you perceive stuff with your brain and through the lens of your personality and life experience. i think there are always rational explanations for signs. i think a lot of people experience solipsistic dissociation because of isolation.

i really don't think the universe would want you to kill yourself. i think that's something you want. i also want to kill myself.

 

[interna]

id rather not go in detail as to why, but yes. all the time

 

[graceful]

thank you everyone for your replies. maybe i'm crazy or just mistaken i'm taking this as another sign. i stg this is my first time visiting the recovery section of the forums. this was supposed to be in the private suicide forum. i literally have 0 clue how it got here

 

[Vacuous]

thank you everyone for your replies. maybe i'm crazy or just mistaken i'm taking this as another sign. i stg this is my first time visiting the recovery section of the forums. this was supposed to be in the private suicide forum. i literally have 0 clue how it got here

You're not "crazy". You ought to feel comfortable living in your own skin. Personally, I don't think the universe wants you to die, and even if I was willing to accept the premise that it does, what matters is what you feel. You have agency; your individuality is beautiful, and it deserves to be maximized.

I wouldn't call myself a spiritual person, but for the purposes of this conversation, I can say that I am of the mind that there is no separation between ourselves and the universe--that is to say, you are the universe, so your grace ought to be preserved; reality itself depends on it.

 

[graceful]

thank you. i've thought about that same belief before but you applying it to this situation is very interesting. i've been going back and forth on if i truly want to kill myself or not. i think it's just both, but that would explain the mixed messages. thank you

You're not "crazy". You ought to feel comfortable living in your own skin. Personally, I don't think the universe wants you to die, and even if I was willing to accept the premise that it does, what matters is what you feel. You have agency; your individuality is beautiful, and it deserves to be maximized.

I wouldn't call myself a spiritual person, but for the purposes of this conversation, I can say that I am of the mind that there is no separation between ourselves and the universe--that is to say, you are the universe, so your grace ought to be preserved; reality itself depends on it.

 

[Vacuous]

i've been going back and forth on if i truly want to kill myself or not

There doesn't have to be a clean yes/no answer. I know you didn't intend on posting this in the "Recovery" section, but I believe the internal debate is what's important. What you describe could be something pathological, perhaps OCD-induced, but I obviously cannot diagnose you; what must be emphasized is that there is a part of you that is tethered to life, and it's worth nurturing.

 

[graceful]

There doesn't have to be a clean yes/no answer. I know you didn't intend on posting this in the "Recovery" section, but I believe the internal debate is what's important. What you describe could be something pathological, perhaps OCD-induced, but I obviously cannot diagnose you; what must be emphasized is that there is a part of you that is tethered to life, and it's worth nurturing.

i actually am diagnosed with OCD and wonder if it's that sometimes. i believe in "signs" and stuff for the most part, but i also know sometimes it's just OCD or something else causing it. also thank you

 

[byec560]

I feel like I don't even have the foggiest picture of what my life will look like in the near future, let alone what the universe "wants" for me.

 

[hiiiii]

i can't tell if it's telling me to die or specifically not kill myself. i believe in angel numbers and that there may be something or someone out there that's a higher power and can guide people. i keep seeing repeating 2s which is one of my favorite numbers and repeating 2s means "you're on the right path." so what is it? is it me contemplating suicide that's the right choice or contemplating NOT doing it? i see repeating 7s too which mean to have more positive thoughts and that what you think might come true. i mean maybe that's also the universe asking me to keep trying to kill myself. i don't even know what ii mean by "the universe." i just feel like there's something there. one time i asked the universe for a direct sign that i should kill myself. it sounds stupid, but i told myself i'd come back as an orange cat if i were to die and that's just what would happen. that's what i'd choose if i had to come back as an animal. i asked the universe to mention that to me if it was a sign

i later on asked a coworker what he'd come back as if he were to die and come back as an animal. i didn't mention anything about what i would come back as but he literally said an orange cat. i was baffled

i don't think you should interpret the angel numbers as signs from the universe to kill yourself. i don't know anything about angel numbers or spirituality, but 777 and 222 as you describe them seem pretty positive. maybe it's better to interpret that as the universe telling you to persevere through this rough patch with the help of positive thoughts? idk i feel like when we get into this depressive suicidal headspace it can be very easy to interpret everything as yet another reason why you need to kys. i will not tell you how to live your life but maybe it will be more helpful to seek out forms of spirituality that are more involved and intentional vs up to chance/fate/coincidence/etc.

 

[Lemelonade]

I keep seeing 444, sometimes other repeating numbers. They remind me that I'm not alone.

I don't think the message is to end my life, it's rather a reminder that I'm always supported on the path I chose, even if that path leads to suicide. No one is telling me what to do, it's my decision. Whatever I choose, there's always love and support available.