do you feel like god has abandoned you?

[meiherasayuri]

Sometimes I think so, he abandoned me a long time ago. Sometimes I feel like he hears me, but bad things have happened these past few weeks and that's why I feel like he hates me. For some time now I've felt like He hates me,That doesn't make sense. Why would God let me suffer? I grew up believing God loves us, but I feel like he stopped loving me, I know it... But he didn't choose me,Maybe he chose me as a punching bag, that's how I feel

 

[sleepytime5]

i feel like god has withheld love from me since birth. i seriously cannot say anything good has happened to me, other than my fickle connections with people. there has to be a cosmic reasoning for my anguish, right? or is this by pure coincidence i was unavoidably inexplicably irreversibly cursed at the nexus of my very consciousness and matter?

ive been contemplating suicide for a decade and more, and it all comes down to how i am consistently beaten up by life. the breaks im given in between are simply my own issued mania. but i like to reframe this as, for all the suffering and aching i have gone through, ive saved the suffering and aching of another.

otherwise, im merely a big dumb food processor and a mobile turd factory by cosmic design, and thats all there is to it.

its not as if im not aware of divine goodness, ive just never been the target of it. is it my belief that is lacking? is me expecting this will happen trigger me experiencing it by certainty? is it my lifestyle? am i missing the good people put into life and so receive?

do you guys share the same experience? i feel tortured beyond recourse, and i feel as if the cruelty i receive is not balanced by the cruelty ive incited.

used to

 

[No-name]

If there is a god, its working with the laws of nature. And nature is cruel and makes its own plans. We are then its vessels. And that doesnt give any comfort for the child who is born sick. Creation is so free and flawed, only the afterlife can make it right, but thats wishfull thinking. Nothingness is fine with me and if I happen to stumble upon some kind of afterlife. Then both is oke I guess. At the moment I prefer nothing really or to see back or be with the people i loved. Wherever they went, I am going.