Help Do good parents overcome the suicide of their child?

[Pessimist]

I'm so sick of over-analyzing everything. Just please answer me, do good parents overcome the suicide of their child?

 

[EdibleGasMask]

Though im not sure and it does depend, I could almost bet they they won't get over it.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think for many good parents over time, they can kind of come to terms with it and they won't be in as much pain, but I think when a child dies, it never leaves them I guess. I hope my parents take comfort from the fact that I will be in a better place and free from pain, but of course they will be sad.

 

[Superdeterminist]

I get the impression that most never get over it, but I doubt that's 100% universal. At least some are probably able to accept it, at least to some extent. It's not a measure of how 'good' they are, just a reflection of their psychology. To 'get over it' is a vague, ill-defined notion, that will mean different things to different people, making the question difficult to definitively answer.

 

[Eire1992]

I think it very much depends. Speaking as a parent, I would never get over anything happening to my girls. Come to terms with? Maybe. But never get over. Everyone is different and every relationship is different and how all that plays together will come down to how events unfold for someone.

 

[motel rooms]

Don't stay alive just for your parents if your suffering gets truly unbearable

 

[Anonymous_A]

As bad as it sounds, they pretty much have to get on with life at somepoint.

Obviously they will be devastated&will grieve if you do ctb. But sooner or later they will come to terms with it and accept it.

Everyone grieves in their own way, some better than others..some take longer than others. But in the end they're just going to have to accept what is …the world keeps spinning

 

[Seiba]

They have the choice to kill themselves if their pain is truly unbearable from my perspective. There's also a few options for treating grief and leaving a note will help in that process. Though, I imagine this is not what you desired to hear. There's also a study I recently I found on the subject of bereavement in regards to suicide if you are interested.

What are the physical and psychological health effects of suicide bereavement on family members? An observational and interview mixed-methods study in Ireland

Research focussing on the impact of suicide bereavement on family members’ physical and psychological health is scarce. The aim of this study was to examine how family members have been physically and psychologically affected following suicide ...

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

 

[AloeGarten]

theres no solid answer as every parent-child relationship is different, though i agree hotel in that you shouldnt just stay alive to not make other people sad. obviously its good to talk to them or try to get help for them, but staying alive to not make them sad isnt really living imo

 

[boc]

Most do, even if they won't admit it. You would eventually get over if you lost a hand or a foot. It would always suck a bit, but you make do.

 

[greyhound]

Probably depends on how many siblings you have as well. If you're an only child I'd imagine they aren't ever going to get over it.

 

[BlankUser]

Difficult to say... Since I never had good parents.

 

[Pookie]

No good, loving parent will ever get over the loss of their child. It's a pain they learn to live with, but they will grieve for and miss their child until the day they take their last breath.

They say losing a child is possibly the worst loss a person can ever experience. Possessions can be replaced, but not your child. I've seen what the loss of a child/children has done to people. It has changed them in ways that I can't even describe in words.

They'll never be the same again. There'll always be a "before" and "after" the event.

 

[Sslsh]

Honestly, most "good parents" have had a better AND longer life than their dead children. Their loss or grief is not a bigger loss than their kids'.

 

[it's_all_a_game]

Honestly, IDK if my mom will ever get over my suicide. She often yells at me & puts me down so part of me thinks she might, but then again she's always buying stuff for me out of nowhere so maybe she truly loves and will be profoundly sad upon my death. All I know is, she and my daddy the one's who gave me the burden of being alive in the first place; no way am I gonna stay alive just for her (my father is dead).

 

[hermes]

I'm so sick of over-analyzing everything. Just please answer me, do good parents overcome the suicide of their child?

Parents can NEVER get over the suicide of their child. NEVER. They will be traumatized for the rest of their life.

 

[Pessimist]

Parents can NEVER get over the suicide of their child. NEVER. They will be traumatized for the rest of their life.

How are you so sure? Are you a parent yourself?

 

[Pookie]

How are you so sure? Are you a parent yourself?

 

[hermes]

How are you so sure? Are you a parent yourself?

Nice try.

I am not a parent. I will definitely will not become one.

I dont have to be a parent to empathize with them.

 

[Una]

I wrote about what I have learned. As a parent who had lost a child.

I do not believe there is such a thing as 'getting over it', 'moving on', or similar frequently used expressions.

I do believe some people eventually learn how to live with their pain. Some do not.

Just like some people never consider ending their own lives, not even in extreme hardship, such as concentration camps, for instance. While some do. What makes the difference? Countless thinkers in just about every discipline have been trying to answer it for centuries. To not much consensus. My personal view is that the difference lies in the 'selfish gene.' Survival, in its very essence, is above all the matter of selfishness. Mostly via a subconscious mechanism. Is it as good as the majority believes? A 'blessing' as it is often called? I am not terribly sure about that. There seems to me to be such a condition as 'sentenced to living.' Neither able to live nor die. Undead.

But those are just my views. Experience had thoughts me that they are unacceptable to many. I prefer Emil Cioran. And Charles Bukowski. For what it is worth. They, and a few others, knew it. Deep inside themselves.

Me ... I am out.

Honestly, most "good parents" have had a better AND longer life than their dead children. Their loss or grief is not a bigger loss than their kids'.

There is no such thing as "good parents"! There are just parents. Shitty, fallible humans who become parents just like their parents did ... and those before them and so on and so forth! And each generation passing onto the next what has been given to them.

And yes, you are right - when a kid, a young person, a person under 25 dies by suicide, what they have lost, the magnitude of the life not lived is so grand to dwarf any parental grief. Death by the suicide of any person under 25 is a direct result of parental, and to a lesser extent, society's failure. No two ways about it.

If there is anything I would say to all the young people seriously considering ending it, would be - take a step back. Just for a moment. Not because you don't have the right to do it or need permission, or because of the pain you are going to cause to your parents or whoever. You are born with that right. Need no permission. From anyone. But first, raise the middle finger. Seriously. Because it is your life. They are not worth it. Not your parents, your boyfriends/girlfriends, society. Cosmos. They. Are. Not. Worth. It. It is your life.

That's. All.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I hate to make absolute statements, but I really do suspect that they will never get over it.

 

[Thegoldenapples]

Yeah I don't know think they will get over it as such, but possibly come to terms with it. I'm hoping my dad will move past it considering how sick I am. I think some may see it from the child's situation and have some understanding. That's why I feel a solid cbt letter is good so you can explain everything.

 

[Pookie]

I hate to make absolute statements, but I really do suspect that they will never get over it.

If they actually love their children. There are "parents" who have children for the sake of having children or because it seems like the "expected" thing to do in society. But they don't really love their children in the real sense of the word.

I was a burden to my parents growing up. But in her own strange way, I know that my mother does love me. As for my neglectful, self-involved father, I'm not so sure.

 

[ClairyFairy]

Never!

 

[hʚll]

hopefully they get to feel some empathy for the suffering of their child and feel somehow happy knowing that they are not suffering anymore

 

[Seiba]

hopefully they get to feel some empathy for the suffering of their child and feel somehow happy knowing that they are not suffering anymore

Hopefully, but many people end up wanting to kill themselves because of things their parents contributed to. In the case of them being a good parent I'd hope they would have the empathy to see that someone living in pain even if you have an inherent attachment to them isn't good. The study I linked while family members largely did become upset and otherwise one of them (a sister I believe) had the empathy to say that she wasn't too bothered by it since the person was in pain and this was their way of solving it.

 

[Victoria]

Thanks for completely derailing my day with Tom Hardy looking hot AF

 

[Pookie]

Thanks for completely derailing my day with Tom Hardy looking hot AF

You're welcome! He's bait in more ways than one.

 

[SelmaJezkova10]

My mom is still traumatized since my sister ctb, That happened two years ago, sometimes I heard her cry in some parts of the house. To be honest, she was not a bad mother, but not perfect either, she made a lot of mistakes with my sister, some mistakes were a bit serious. The truth is I doubt that she can overcome it, she is still grieving.

 

[Claimingmylife]

The wound may stop bleeding at some point but the scar never goes away. And I think for most (good) parents it's at permanent risk of opening again. I believe it is common for the wound to open again at specific times of the year, such as the birthday of the child or Christmas or anniversary of their death... or all three. Also I think most will suffer from crushing, crippling guilt even if it's not their fault at all.