Divorce or suicide?

[Givingupandgivingin]

I still feel I have no good option but suicide is final so maybe easier to get over?
And I selfishly don't get to see the fallout which is very appealing.
I don't want to be here anymore.
Easier for others to get over I mean. My children might move on faster.

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

If you have income, don't wake up with dread and wanting to escape going to your job I suggest stay. If you can handle being alone...etc etc.

 

[Givingupandgivingin]

I wake up anxious and wish I'd not woken up every day. Everything is joyless and pointless. I am lonely.
I don't want to put my children through the trauma of a divorce and two homes.

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

I wake up anxious and wish I'd not woken up every day. Everything is joyless and pointless. I am lonely.
I don't want to put my children through the trauma of a divorce and two homes.

Your exit will be trauma. Your joyless feeling rubs off on them. I don't know what to say really. Having children puts a different spin on everything. If you can afford a home...I would suggest meds and trying to stay. But it's up to you. Don't let them find you croaked.

 

[Givingupandgivingin]

My exit will be trauma but it will be finite trauma.
it'll be a bit sad for a few weeks and then everyone can move on. It's not never ending trauma of moving between two homes and the difficulty of divorced parents. It's not feeling sad and torn forever. It's just done.

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

Everyone has different experiences but my parents divorced when I was 6. Moving between two apartments was what I did. I was an only child. My parents did well, much better than I have ever done. It sounds like custody would probably be given to the 'happier' parent. I really doubt your exit will only affect them for a few weeks. You mention their 'trauma of moving between two homes and the difficulty of divorced parents". Divorce is really common.

It sounds like you don't enjoy anything and things fucking suck. I'm right there with you.

Do what you want. I don't know what else to say without sounding rude or pissed. I am really pissed.

How do you plan to do it? How old are your kids?

I don't mean to try and give you advice. Advice sucks.

 

[Birthinjune]

I wake up anxious and wish I'd not woken up every day. Everything is joyless and pointless. I am lonely.
I don't want to put my children through the trauma of a divorce and two homes.

I am positive your children would rather have two homes and two loving parents than one. Divorce is more serious for you than your kids. I feel children can get accustomed to a new normal if you can

 

[everydayiloveyou]

I am positive your children would rather have two homes and two loving parents than one. Divorce is more serious for you than your kids. I feel children can get accustomed to a new normal if you can

This 1000%. I feel like people on this site really underestimate how traumatic a suicide can be for their loved ones. There's tons of users on here who only started having suicidal ideation when their loved one commited suicide. It's the depression talking when you think that people will just move on after a while.

Any death is a forever loss, particularly that of a parent. If your children are still minors, losing you will be a million times more traumatic and confusing than divorcing and having to move around. The fact that you'll be gone because of suicide quadruples the confusion, shame, and guilt that they'll feel. For little kids, it'll be guilt that they don't need at that age and could affect their development. A divorce is also stressful for them, if you ctb now they'll have the double trauma of divorce/suicide.

Ultimately it's your decision, but if you are choosing this route for the sake of your children, I'd urge you to think about their feelings, reconsider and see a professional if you haven't already.

 

[Pluto]

Would be a lot easier if children weren't involved. Divorce itself is almost expected these days.

When asked, it's a lot easier for a child to explain to someone that 'my parents separated' than 'my parent ctb-ed'.

 

[Givingupandgivingin]

My children are 5 and 12. Both are very bonded to me because their dad isn't terribly involved. He's always on the golf course at weekends. He shouts at my 12 year old a lot. My 12 year old has ASD and is tricky, he's exceptionally bright but has a large dose of difficult with it. My 5 year old is neuro typical, much easier child. My husband is better with her.
Everyone looks to me to fix things all the time and I am tired of it. I never get to be anything but fine. When I look ahead and see more of the same I just don't want to do it anymore. I'm really tired.
I just keep ending up back here, anxious, heart pounding, lonely, hopeless. I've fought it several times over the last few years and I'm tired. I'm not sad about it, I'm just so tired. It feels like I have nothing left to give.

 

[Pluto]

Sounds like the father is uneducated regarding ASD and how to handle the different way that such young people operate.

You are needing more support and taking on too much. A good mental health professional should be able to help you set appropriate boundaries and a plan to improve your own wellbeing.