Disconnected

[The anhedonic one]

Even from a very young age, I have never felt any sense of belonging.
I feel like I don't belong in this world.
I have always felt like there is something very wrong with it.
It's the same with people. At school, and at home when younger, I was always the black sheep, I could never fit in.
I have always yearned for a deep connection with another human being, but it just never happened.
I have only ever had one love in my life.
My love has passed away now,
yet even when my love was alive, I never felt truly connected.
I loved her as much as it is possible for one human to love another, but yet there was always something missing.
I don't know what that elusive "something" is.
Even with my Grandparents, whom I loved dearly I never felt truly connected to them.
Can anyone else relate to this ?

 

[cgrtt.brns]

completely relate. i feel like such an alien in any situation. its so tiring and lonely.

 

[neurotic]

Do you think it might be disassociation? Thinking things have a deeper meaning than what they realistically do?

 

[The anhedonic one]

Do you think it might be disassociation? Thinking things have a deeper meaning than what they realistically do?

Its just a very profound feeling that something is missing, a deep longing. There are no thoughts involved, just pure feeling.
But I get what you mean about disassociation.

 

[SirCalvinXIV]

Yeah, similar thing here. I try to talk to people, and I either get shut down, ignored, or they only choose to tolerate me for the sake of not being rude. It's always awkward and difficult and most every social situation ends with everyone involved a liiitle bit worse off than they start.
And the thing is about it, is i do actively try to make it better. I research topics, I learn about people and places and hobbies, I try to participate in these things to their fullest extent, but it never seems to be enough. They always find a way to exclude you...

 

[The anhedonic one]

Ye

Yeah, similar thing here. I try to talk to people, and I either get shut down, ignored, or they only choose to tolerate me for the sake of not being rude. It's always awkward and difficult and most every social situation ends with everyone involved a liiitle bit worse off than they start.
And the thing is about it, is i do actively try to make it better. I research topics, I learn about people and places and hobbies, I try to participate in these things to their fullest extent, but it never seems to be enough. They always find a way to exclude you...

I can never figure out why they behave like this. You are nice to them, yet they behave in a dismissive fashion for no logical reason whatsoever. It's it's like some hive-mind mentality: as though most other people are a different species to us.
Maybe they are. Nothing surprises me anymore.