DISCONNECTED FROM SELF

[StarryStarry]

I'm going through the motions of moving, but I'm disconnected from myself. It's as if I'm watching a movie of someone who is in the process of moving. Packing, worrying, stressing, making necessary plans. Behind all this is the feeling that I want to ctb. Will this thought process be with me forever? Is this the way I'm going to live the rest of my life. Seconds of feeling good, feeling normal and then hours, days, weeks of feeling a failure, unwanted, unloved, suicidal. Am I moving just to ctb in the end anyway? I hate this movie. I want to be connected. I want to be happy, but I don't know how. I want to be normal.

 

[DisillusionedDragon]

What you're describing sounds like depersonalization. It's generally a stress response and will most likely go away again on its own if you have the chance to calm down somewhat at your new place. Try not to worry too much about it or fight it. That usually increases stress levels and makes it worse.
It's a perfectly normal response, you're not going insane, hang in there. Try to accept that things are just a little too much for you to handle right now, so your brain has decided to give you a little break by mentally putting some distance between you and what is happening.
Take care of yourself,​

 

[StarryStarry]

What you're describing sounds like depersonalization. It's generally a stress response and will most likely go away again on its own if you have the chance to calm down somewhat at your new place. Try not to worry too much about it or fight it. That usually increases stress levels and makes it worse.
It's a perfectly normal response, you're not going insane, hang in there. Try to accept that things are just a little too much for you to handle right now, so your brain has decided to give you a little break by mentally putting some distance between you and what is happening.
Take care of yourself,​

OMG, how can I ever thank you? I'm overwhelmed by your knowledge and kindness. I have felt this way before and thinking back those are the times when I was so stressed I couldn't function (when my little girl died). Thank you sounds so trivial to say, but I mean it from the bottom of my heart.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are suffering so much. I know that it can be awful being stuck in a painful and miserable existence. I understand that it can be dreadful when everything is hopeless. I wish you the best in whatever happens.