I've been thinking of taking (9g) two 96 50 mg pill bottles of diphenhyramine (OTC sleep aid) with Fourloko, a sweet, 12%-14% alcoholic beverage and using a plastic bag on my head secured with some stretchy fabric.
I've tried on the plastic bag a few times. It's a large black trash bag. I was hopeful if I put enough air in there I could suffocate myself so gradually that I would gently pass out, but even the most gradual and gentle setup eventually caused the familiar chest tension of the survival response, so I concluded that to avoid thrashing and tearing at the bag I will need more than this.
Nitrogen tank is at this point inaccessible.
So long ago I OD'd on prescriptions in an attempt to ctb, and woke up in the hospital. A nurse there oddly enough said she supports the right to die, and that I'd have far more success with two bottles of OTC sleep aid, and to do it with a plastic bag. I found some evidence that this could work, deaths mentioned in a paper that it was common to combine OTC sleep aid with plastic bags in suicide deaths.
My main hang up here is this: I've made a lot of progress on my quality of life lately, learning to use medicine foods, herbal medicine, a crystal healing necklace, yoga, reiki, meditation, massage, and more, each making life a little better. I recently finished my life project and feel like my purpose in life is finished. But if the method will fail, I really don't want to deal with the hospital, I don't need what this would do to my (I don't know the term for this) life: I would loathe the loss in health. I'm facing eviction with court on Monday and it would be my fourth time homeless. I have a special object associated with finishing my life's purpose: I'm concerned if I failed, and my body were taken to the hospital, I could be separated from my most precious possession with no recourse losing the home. On the other hand, with homelessness there is lack of privacy and this could be my last chance to CTB for a long time and a lot of misery.
Long story short, I just cannot risk a discovered failed attempt.
What statistics I can find vary wildly in how much sleep aid would be required to die, although if sufficient sedation with the plastic bag is all that's required, perhaps it doesn't matter so much.
I strongly believe in the right to die and consider self-deliverance to be the superior death. No matter how long it takes nor the circumstances, this is how I'd like my life to end: with self-agency. The thought makes me quietly proud.
Prior to completing my goal, when I examined my feelings closely as to why I am so unhappy, the feelings were plainly begging that I complete my life's goal purpose. I was not expecting this, I thought I might be happy afterwards, but now my feelings ask only to rest in the peace of death.
I brought up the topic with my brother and my father and neither are so far willing to assist. So far my survival instinct is difficult strong - I once had a pretty decent hanging set up, but sadly wrigled my way out of it. I tried VSED, but after a month and a half and a lot of seizures, the mental effects caused me to forget and eat. Medical assistance looks impossibly inaccessible. I have some interest in figuring out how to get more informal/lay assistance if at all possible to bypass survival drive. I don't really know anyone that could help is the main issue.
Summary: Does my specified method seem like it would work? What's a good way to find suicide/self-determination friendly social contacts? Help/assistance would be wonderful, and furthermore, I would like to make a friend who has respect for self-determination I can be fully honest with in life.
Advice and discussion would be helpful.
I've tried on the plastic bag a few times. It's a large black trash bag. I was hopeful if I put enough air in there I could suffocate myself so gradually that I would gently pass out, but even the most gradual and gentle setup eventually caused the familiar chest tension of the survival response, so I concluded that to avoid thrashing and tearing at the bag I will need more than this.
Nitrogen tank is at this point inaccessible.
So long ago I OD'd on prescriptions in an attempt to ctb, and woke up in the hospital. A nurse there oddly enough said she supports the right to die, and that I'd have far more success with two bottles of OTC sleep aid, and to do it with a plastic bag. I found some evidence that this could work, deaths mentioned in a paper that it was common to combine OTC sleep aid with plastic bags in suicide deaths.
My main hang up here is this: I've made a lot of progress on my quality of life lately, learning to use medicine foods, herbal medicine, a crystal healing necklace, yoga, reiki, meditation, massage, and more, each making life a little better. I recently finished my life project and feel like my purpose in life is finished. But if the method will fail, I really don't want to deal with the hospital, I don't need what this would do to my (I don't know the term for this) life: I would loathe the loss in health. I'm facing eviction with court on Monday and it would be my fourth time homeless. I have a special object associated with finishing my life's purpose: I'm concerned if I failed, and my body were taken to the hospital, I could be separated from my most precious possession with no recourse losing the home. On the other hand, with homelessness there is lack of privacy and this could be my last chance to CTB for a long time and a lot of misery.
Long story short, I just cannot risk a discovered failed attempt.
What statistics I can find vary wildly in how much sleep aid would be required to die, although if sufficient sedation with the plastic bag is all that's required, perhaps it doesn't matter so much.
I strongly believe in the right to die and consider self-deliverance to be the superior death. No matter how long it takes nor the circumstances, this is how I'd like my life to end: with self-agency. The thought makes me quietly proud.
Prior to completing my goal, when I examined my feelings closely as to why I am so unhappy, the feelings were plainly begging that I complete my life's goal purpose. I was not expecting this, I thought I might be happy afterwards, but now my feelings ask only to rest in the peace of death.
I brought up the topic with my brother and my father and neither are so far willing to assist. So far my survival instinct is difficult strong - I once had a pretty decent hanging set up, but sadly wrigled my way out of it. I tried VSED, but after a month and a half and a lot of seizures, the mental effects caused me to forget and eat. Medical assistance looks impossibly inaccessible. I have some interest in figuring out how to get more informal/lay assistance if at all possible to bypass survival drive. I don't really know anyone that could help is the main issue.
Summary: Does my specified method seem like it would work? What's a good way to find suicide/self-determination friendly social contacts? Help/assistance would be wonderful, and furthermore, I would like to make a friend who has respect for self-determination I can be fully honest with in life.
Advice and discussion would be helpful.
