Different life in head

[Laststop]

My thoughts have all changed since I was recently (and completely unexpectedly) fired from my job of 20 years. While I was unhappy anyway, I got by on the fairly decent money I was making, which allowed me to buy things to keep sane. I also had a rich mental/fantasy life. I spent countless hours working while dreaming of a different life. Mine being more tame than others, maybe. I had lots of different ones. They changed over the years. The most recent was to (this part was part of many others) get rich somehow, like win the lottery, and become the largest private collector of all the things I love. 70s and 80s toys, the worlds largest (best) private vintage video game arcade made out to look like a real 80s one, with no detail left undone. I even would design my own tokens in my head. Also, I would be a well known geeky/nerdy convention goer. Maybe have a YouTube channel, where people could follow my growing collection, convention exploits, and do obscure 70s and 80s cheesy forgotten movie reviews...most of which on dead media, like VHS and laserdisc. Sometimes, I'd even re-imagine my youth all over again, if it'd had been better. Like if my family had become rich. Or, if I had a different one altogether that was loving, supportive, and able to give me help in life. But ever since this major course change in life, I can't even make myself comfortable in fantasy anymore. Do you guys have different lives in your heads?

 

[Dreamcolleger]

Yes I have been thinking what my life could have been like if my parents were invested and at least somewhat stable instead of abusive and neglectful. Pretty much everything else was already there for me. Kind of painful to think about how badly I got screwed over by that one thing alone, but I just think to myself if I can't handle ending it then I probably would have turned out like this no matter what happened. Gotta find out what I lost :D