did your personality change?

[Crazy4u]

did your personality change after being suicidal? what are the differences in your personality traits before and after being suicidal?

If you have been suicidal for a long time, you can talk about the impact of getting closer to your ctb date/suicide attempt,..etc on your personality

Thanks!

 

[ItsMe-Hecked]

I became hardcore bitter after waking up to how people were consistently treating me when I first came out. There wasn't any going back after that.
My first real attempt was in April of last year, after I realized that my life wasn't going to get better if I simply told people how I was feeling. I realized that other people didn't give a flying fuck about me, and that cemented my series of hanging attempts that followed.

 

[FuneralCry]

I do not have any personality, it is like I have already died in a way. I live a very empty existence. For me, as time has went on I have became more tired of life and I have felt worse. Being alive hurts me. I have never really wanted to be alive, I am not suited for this life. Death has been the only thing that has made any sense for me, I belong in the nothingness.

 

[BreakTheCycle]

Suicidal since the age of 9. It's just part of my personality since I grew up with these thoughts. Leaves me wondering if I'll ever not have suicidal thoughts on a basically daily basis.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Lost all social anxiety, autistic traits are fully visible (no masking), no real fear/anxiety for anything except physical pain and losing my method, my intelligence has to have been at least cut in half (but my wisdom has grown).

 

[TheBestUsernameEver]

Yes my personality changed. I used to be a bit arrogant. Now I'm more patient and have more respect for people's different situations.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

I've become reclusive. I feel entirely alien from the rest of the world. I want as little interaction as possible. Every interaction is a reminder that I don't belong here.

 

[som1]

yes I don't have one anymore

 

[tieiwi]

I used to be so stubborn and want certain things. Now I don't care. When I disagree with someone I used to speak up and put in my two cents. Now I just agree even when deep down I feel a different way. My voice is quieter. I barely put in any effort into being loud when I talk if that makes sense. Like my voice comes out as a whisper. Being anymore louder than that is me truly forcing myself. I just feel so tired. I don't speak unless spoken to. I don't care to sound out my ideas anymore or what happened during my day. Funny because when I was younger I would get myself in trouble for talking too much.

 

[Lost Magic]

Yeah, I used to talk (vocally) a lot but now I have nobody really to talk to. Nobody who will listen anyway. I'm just really tired of this game.

 

[maakies]

Suicidal since the age of 9. It's just part of my personality since I grew up with these thoughts. Leaves me wondering if I'll ever not have suicidal thoughts on a basically daily basis.

Yeah. I have said these exact words to partners upset with me. I was like, don't take it personally it ain't you buddy. It's just fucking latched into my personality. It sucks. Oh well!

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

I am much more reserved with people I don't know and much angrier with people I do know. That could be a result of accepting my suicidality or getting closer to the end, or perhaps just changes in my medication over the last five years.

 

[Crazy4u]

I can relate to most posts here. I am in a similar boat! I became suicidal when I was around 11 years old. That was more than 20 years ago when the internet was basic and the most popular cell phone was nokia!

I don't remember my personality when I was less suicidal and I don't understand why I cared about things and people. I drained my energy and got nothing in return. I like my new suicidal personality more!!

 

[Snake of Eden]

i been pretty consistent throughout my life primarily depressive and withdrawn but I had my moments in past where I faked being happy acting to be socially appealing and it helped but it also caused alot of problems because I wasnt genuine and it slips and people can sense it. Now I just dont care, I am the same as me just without faking being normal also less self conscious

 

[Messgram]

i become cold, very lazy to do anything and got serious anger issues. Also, got so introverted and closed that I lost all my friend and cant make new ones. I can't even look people in the eye. The only times I get any pleasure are when I'm sleeping or drunk alone in my room.

 

[Angi]

I also became more patient and understanding with other people. At the same time, I have a hard time following through with my own plans. Does not seem to matter anymore.

 

[Onthe29th]

I never really like my job and I always felt like I wasn't a good fit for it but at least I did my best. I don't even want to come in anymore and I cry at least once or twice every shift. Every concern is 10 times more stressful then it used to be. No one takes me seriously and would rather dismiss my feelings and concerns and it's disappointing.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

I bounce between apathy and anxiety.

 

[gottago222]

im still silly childish and comedic i just want to die

 

[eternalpeace]

Yes. I used to be very loud. Very "fun loving". I liked to dress up, go out, and have a good time, laughing and talking really loudly. I didnt necessarily have all that many friends, and I have always required a lot of "alone" time to recharge, but commanding an audience with my crazy anecdotes was my favourite thing to do. A friend once said to her kids before leaving for my birthday "if you need me, mommy will be at the bar, with the dark-haired, voluptuous, loud woman. It's her birthday and everyone in the bar will KNOW it's her birthday".

But over the years, I have become reclusive and quiet. Even pre-covid, I hated going out. I would rather sit alone in the dark watching a show on my iPad than leave the house. I no longer crave an audience, or even fun or laughter. I don't like talking to anyone about anything. If people contact me (rare because I've pretty much pushed everyone away at this point), I'm polite but I don't share anything too personal, and I always have an excuse as to why I can't talk longer or make plans. I can't even remember most of the crazy anecdotes that I used to share so zealously. It amazes me that I ever thought I had anything to say that anyone would care about.

My mom noticed this and always says how much she misses the person I used to be.

 

[tj3333]

I've stopped trying new things or hoping I'll have the energy or find any kind of a reason to take care of myself. I still hope maybe one day I'll have the wherewithal to be able to brush my teeth on a regular basis let alone go to the gym but its literally never happened.

 

[Chaestergram]

To be honest I don't even remember as I am since I'm a kid but there was a difference during my teenage years, I was still the same negative kid but I became so carefree, I felt like I was allowed to do whatever tf I wanted because I knew I wouldn't makes it last forever so I started to do exactly what I wanted, partying all the time, sleeping with everyone and traveling all around the world. Never felt more free than at that time.

 

[Crazy4u]

Yes. I used to be very loud. Very "fun loving". I liked to dress up, go out, and have a good time, laughing and talking really loudly. I didnt necessarily have all that many friends, and I have always required a lot of "alone" time to recharge, but commanding an audience with my crazy anecdotes was my favourite thing to do. A friend once said to her kids before leaving for my birthday "if you need me, mommy will be at the bar, with the dark-haired, voluptuous, loud woman. It's her birthday and everyone in the bar will KNOW it's her birthday".

But over the years, I have become reclusive and quiet. Even pre-covid, I hated going out. I would rather sit alone in the dark watching a show on my iPad than leave the house. I no longer crave an audience, or even fun or laughter. I don't like talking to anyone about anything. If people contact me (rare because I've pretty much pushed everyone away at this point), I'm polite but I don't share anything too personal, and I always have an excuse as to why I can't talk longer or make plans. I can't even remember most of the crazy anecdotes that I used to share so zealously. It amazes me that I ever thought I had anything to say that anyone would care about.

My mom noticed this and always says how much she misses the person I used to be.

I cannot remember the last time I dressed up or wore make up! it is crazy. I used to blame it on gaining weight after COVID stay at home orders. I'm trying to lose weight but feel dizzy and tired.

 

[Isisnefert]

Fui bastante constante a lo largo de mi vida, principalmente depresivo y retraído, pero tuve momentos en el pasado en los que fingí ser feliz actuando para ser socialmente atractivo y ayudó, pero también causó muchos problemas porque no era genuino y se desliza y la gente puede sentirlo. . Ahora simplemente no me importa, soy igual que yo solo sin fingir ser normal y menos consciente de mí mismo.

Same

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Yes. I probably used to still be a selfish and terrible person all my life but that was unintentional and before December 20th, 2015 I at least tried to be as much of a good person as I could be. After that fateful day I decided to fully commit to being evil because I felt angry at the universe for toying with my feelings so. Any kindness or empathy I felt had washed away and was replaced with bitterness, hatred, and even bigotry. I will never be able to let go if I don't find someone else to move on to which is ridiculously unlikely to happen so I might as well allow myself to die before I wake up and actually start committing truly evil deeds in the name of my selfishness.

 

[puppet_nihilist]

I do not have any personality, it is like I have already died in a way. I live a very empty existence. For me, as time has went on I have became more tired of life and I have felt worse. Being alive hurts me. I have never really wanted to be alive, I am not suited for this life. Death has been the only thing that has made any sense for me, I belong in the nothingness.

This.. exactly.

I'm a corpse pretending to be alive.

 

[neverendingstorey]

After being put down so many times I have no motivation. I made changes but was yelled at and insulted regardless. I don't really look in the mirror or take care of myself.

 

[gr1lledcheese]

did your personality change after being suicidal? what are the differences in your personality traits before and after being suicidal?

If you have been suicidal for a long time, you can talk about the impact of getting closer to your ctb date/suicide attempt,..etc on your personality

Thanks!

That's a good question. Since losing my job I'm rarely around people, and being a pet sitter I spend most of my time around dogs and cats.
So I don't know. I do know that lately when I'm around people and they ask me questions about my future plans, I try to tell them what they want to hear, and change the subject as soon as I can.

 

[milly]

This.. exactly.

I'm a corpse pretending to be alive.

Me too!

 

[Crazy4u]

That's a good question. Since losing my job I'm rarely around people, and being a pet sitter I spend most of my time around dogs and cats.
So I don't know. I do know that lately when I'm around people and they ask me questions about my future plans, I try to tell them what they want to hear, and change the subject as soon as I can.

That's a good point. I started lying more to please others. I even made up a story about going to Hawaii (won't happen - I wanted to change subject)

What are your plans for Christmas/NYE? I said: it was fun connected with family and went out to the lakes. Correct answer: nothing. I was drinking and staying home spending time on sanctioned suicide and reddit suicide watch